when i say too busy to sort the fitting - the thing is its last minute making right up tothe wire for me

but i feel like i'm doing a service for her.. not her working for me

yes, you are too soft

Never off an excuse. The correct answer to an IM like that is: "I'm not available at the moment. _____ would be a good time, and...

if that isn't a good time, I can make it _______." Period. Brook no further discussion.

I do that, then immediately set Busy mode.