the closest to death i've ever felt in my entire life. constantly drowning, it seemed.

::hugs::

Are you ok?

i am now. absolutely terrifying

man thats bad

hope your ok

www.hawkinsspeedshop.com...

its other applications!

What happened?

Thats a big fear of mine. I get sick so easy just on air sometimes, i dont want to touch that crap. Im really glad you are ok Brad ;-;

I got Kina's tex late and i was like whaaaat

had bad reaction to nitrous

dentist

that place should be labled "you know its hell. come n anyway"

root canal. the dentist basically said i wouldnt need the gas, but i asked to give it a shot anyway.

it felt like i was drowning over and over again. then i had no control of anything. felt like sacks of cement were on my chest and i was

thrown into a river. then i was out.

then i started vomiting. i came back to around then.

at that point i kept trying to tell him to get me off the gas. apparently no one could figure out what i was saying.

my heart was racing the entire time. i felt like i couldn't forget to breathe manually or i'd suffocate.

after that i was just battling with my motor skills while they worked trying to force myself not to breathe from my nose, just my mouth,

while not choking on the water and spit and shit they had in my mouth while working.

also note - i hold none of this against my dentist - he did amazingly, and did suggest i not do the gas.

quite easily the most scared i've ever been in my life though.

I had a root canal a few years ago.. it's one of the most painful things i ever endured other than getting my wisdom teeth pulled.

I only had general anesthesia

im actually surprised at how painless it was..relatively speaking. i've heard mixed things from different people about their treatments

honestly - the worst pain i've felt was what kina calls "gas pains".

it feels like a rubics cube is taking a stroll through your intestines.

well the nitrous did one thing right, for you!

haha gave me perspective is what. i could never be in the military, cia, or anything where torture could be an option. i'd fucking crumble.

and a rubics cube taking a stroll through my insides is what i felt THAT one day. you know. that day.

ahh yeah. we'll have to talk more about that some other time.

haha ok.. to the cube thing.. but oh man. i have never heard of anyone having a reaction that bad. all this just makes me want to be put

totally under for anything medical. that has risks too but my biggest fear is being that sick. i am so glad you are ok. all that over a lil

tooth. and naw.. its not the dentists fault. i mean gas usually works for a lot of people. he didnt know you would react like that. *hug*

totally under for anything medical. that has risks too but my biggest fear is being that sick. i am so glad you are ok. all that over a lil

I'd rather go through pain than being put under D: ... the risks of being put under far outweighs EVERYTHING ELSE.

man i was freaking TERRIFIED. but probably not at the same parts Brad was, heh. once he started gagging on his own vomit i freaked

i mean the dentist had it waaay under control and half made a joke about it like 'hey brad keep your lunch to yourself!"

i had more trouble watching the gaping hole in his tooth and them sticking fake nerves into his skull. and blood. ew.

oh yeah. i know. but my gear of being that ill for anything, scares me. like if im burnt over from fire. knock me out till im totally all

i'm glad he didn't have the same reaction as me with the needle numbing crap, i.e. barfing all over the ground haha

healed. i couldnt handle it.

haha, well we can both say we barfed at the same dentist, lol.

i'd say ratio of pain vs. me going out of my mind - pain would have been in my favor. it hurt when i came back to the world but not mind

numbingly painful. it hurt the same as when i'd drink super cold water on that tooth, hehe.

haha Brads bad reaction transfered over to Kina via the baby, which probably was most of the reason she got sick.

also - i could have easily missed the worst of the pain while i was knocked the fark out. kind of bummed out that it wasnt like sleeping

just like...an open eyed coma.

i remembered as i was becoming unconscious focusing on my breathing. in. out. in. out. reality became more and more distant and i started to

"live" in only thoughts. in. out. in. out. if i could keep breathing, that's all that'd matter. then i couldn't think in words. i just knew

the feeling of breathing. then it's like i'd start a life cycle as some...singularity. in. out. in. out. i'd evolve, slowly. slowly i'd

decay too. i'd get simpler after each completed evolution. i'd "die". but i wasn't alive. i would only know the feeling of breathing. in.

out. in. out.

in felt amazing. it was the feeling of want. amazing when i could breathe in. then out, out was automatic. then i felt like i could only

breathe in. always wanting, never getting.

i wasn't human at this point, just purely thought. reality as i know it didnt exist, and never did.

and the moment i became self-aware..like i was this white square in this vast dark place, i'd see other white squares, not yet self aware.

i'd think "you poor fools, there are only 5 of us"

then my mind would reset. i was an infant thought again. learning to breathe again. cycle forward and i'd become self aware - only 4 of us.

then repeat. 3. repeat. 2, then 1. the last one was me. all alone. some sick, sick joke. everything i knew, my "reality" had been a dream of

this lonely square in this infinite black universe.

the squares i called singularities. it made sense.

all i knew was fear when i became "aware" that it was only me. terror, even.

then i'd reset. all i could do was breathe in. even the singularity was dying.

i think it was like i felt i was flat lining. a single tone that just droned on and on. then im pretty sure that was when i vomited.

and instant stockholm syndrome.

i saw their faces, the dentists, and was trying to figure out where i was, what i was doing

saw kina too. wasnt sure if i was in trouble though.

i in a hospital? was i about to die?

i remember wanting to save myself, instincts were kicking in. life started to make sense. words started to make sense. then i just put my

hands together and let my saviors and captors handle the situation.

aw you poor poor soul.. I'm so glad you're okay

Wow... When I saw this Plurk had 79 responses, I didn't know what I was getting myself into reading it...

Sorry for the bad/weird experience kerosene! But I gotta say, this Plurk was very poetic, despite the somewhat disturbing premise.

omg sooo scary :|

there definitely was something poetic about it in a way, too. it's given me quite a bit to think about.

that is really scary

i think you guys need a new dentist!

i'm glad you're ok though

nah, it was nothing he did. it was purely the reaction to the chemical.

we're just whining a lot honestly it would have happened in any office

aye. i was reading up on it and apparently people with my mindset mixed with disassociatives is a terrible idea.

i think i've figured out what exactly it was though. what it seems to do is unplug all of your senses from you. So yeah, you're still there,

you exist. But you can't see, touch, hear, taste, smell anything. All you can do is think to yourself. And slowly words lose meaning because

so much is link to your senses. And since reality stops existing anymore, nothing else matters. Except for you.

And all you can control is breathing. That's all you can feel. All you can do.

for someone who can't let go of control - this is an extremely uncomfortable and then downright terrifying experience. The interesting thing

that I could have easily forgotten about it all the next morning had I not woken up with images from my thoughts during that whole thing.

It's like my brain was done and over with the whole thing and wanted to move on.

Ego Death

yeeeep.

man i guess it *really* depends on the type of person. i really love that kind of release and find it quite relaxing, like sleep

i suppose it's got a lot to do with how hard you hang onto needing to be able to control your surroundings

i think ego death really sums it up the best. ego in the psychology 101 sense of the word.

i think though...it gave me an interesting perspective in that i can see a use for people wanting a god(s) in their life. that level of

solitude in that kind of state is damned near maddening. anything, anyone who could remove you from that would be welcome.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Id...

I read it all! learned a thing or two as well, hehe.

NOW YOU UNDERSTAND, BRADLEY.

aye. heh...way to find out, eh?

Once you experience it, it stays with you. It's pretty ridiculous.

neat, huh? hehe. so far pretty much everyday.