The Javi
has
a friend coming over to clean the apartment. She loves to clean and knows I'm a slob. This bodes well. 
hm ... 
The Javi
says
What? She's an ex-maid, and truly does love to clean. She said it's my birthday/christmas present.
alrighty then ...
The Javi
says
Hey, she offered. What am I going to say? "No, I'll do it." We all know that's not true.
The Javi
says
Plus, this girl's known me for almost 10 years. I don't mind her seeing my grime.
whoa
okay javi, whatever works
she must really really love you
I wondered what was in it for her, then I realized ... yeah, don't want to know 
The Javi
says
Nothing!
The Javi
says
We're just old friends. I'll probably buy her lunch...
hahaha