Had one newly appointed officer come to me complaining about another far longer standing officer

SO LIKE ALL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED I ask for evidence and examples that caused the upset so that when I speak to the individual I can show them the issue and we can work toward correcting it. Or just talking about it if it doesn't need correction

But the newly appointed officer continuously emphasized two points. The first: "This behavior has gone on for far too long" and the second: "He should know what he's done!"

HONEY. I CAN'T READ MINDS can you work with me please???

So I ask, okay what behavior

^ repeat the above

So what caused you to come forward with a complaint, did something trigger this

RINSE AND REPEAT THE ABOVE

BUT WHAT. BEHAVIOR.

AHHHHH

After 3 rounds he turns on me

"Do you like him so much that you're defending him?"

No, I think he's a twat, but he's useful and I'm not going to scold anyone without evidence and examples so give me something to work with

So this goes on. And on. And on. For an hour. Repeating and repeating

Half the time he just says "Everything about him" and half the time he turns it against me for poor leadership for not scolding this individual sooner

FOR THE RECORD. The individual in question is sometimes problematic, probably a genuine narcissist and is out of touch with the guild as a whole. But he is also going through it IRL (this is the ex-military guy with brain cancer, if any recall him) and I'm not going to make him guess why someone in the guild has a bone to pick with him today

He's not online very often either because with all the above going on, he's working on a PhD so the guy doesn't really know most members but he's also on so infrequently that it's not a big deal

uhhhh yeah i'm sorry if the person just rubs you the wrong way, that happens sometimes. It's call coexisting with others

FUCK I KNOW RIGHT lmao

not everyone will get along, but if you can't come up with actual concrete evidence, it's called 'put on your big person pants and fucking deal with it'

Yeah, but these kids are soooo sensitive. I can't dish that to them

They are not kids, honestly

The complainer is 29 and the individual is 33

young people today are so sensitive...

They're not children at ALL but grown fucking men with TINY social skills

Okay I am being rude but hoooooly potatoes

i'm not saying that's a bad thing exactly but it gets kind of tiring having to baby all these people lmao

Yeah, it does

What ended up happening was that after an hour of back and forth he said "his attitude" and I was like Eureka

So what about the attitude

"him"

that is not an attitude that's a personality

LOL ya basically

So I gave him a list, he said "all of it" I said pick the biggest one then

He said all of it

So I said FINE I'LL PICK FOR YOU.

We narrowed it down to "avoiding responsibility and pointing blame"

So now I need to see if other members feel this way, maybe they will actually have examples and then go from there

If no one feels the same, then I drop the issue

The audacity though

I explained why I wanted examples and evidence, because I wanted to give a goal if it's something that can have a goal. And without an example I can't provide a prompt for introspection to make that goal start happening

AND THEN THE COMPLAINER turns around

And after I narrow it down to the issue

He says "So what's your goal when talking to him"

????

OH my good griefing rrrrrrgh

i would assume the goal of any conversation is effective communication of the issues

which is why you needed to know the issues

Something this guy clearly lacks

From time to time in the conversation he would just be rude and mean "Even a 5 year old should know when they've pissed people off"

NO???????

I called him rude and he backed off but I just don't understand what caused all this vitriol

Eventually he admitted that he did a whole think and found he doesn't like his environment and wants to change it

..... But this isn't how you do that

You can't CONTROL others to make you feel better. Are you actually psychotic what is going on

...most of the time five year olds don't actually know that they've pissed people off, unless they're deliberately trying to do it

and yeah you can't. Control. People that way

the only thing you can do is make peace with where you are, or leave

Exactly so by the end of the conversation the talk I was anticipating to give the other person was given to the complainer

And YA actually I mentioned "you need to be at peace with yourself before you can help others"

maybe sometimes you can talk to people and address specific things but uh. You can't just say 'i don't like you so you need to change who you are so i can feel comfortable around you'

Geez, you summed up the actual conversation lol

lmao

That's literally what the whole thing was about

I am just exhausted

wow what the fuck

i just don't understand people who try to 'cancel' others with vague allegations like this. i swear that's what it feels like they were trying to do

social media is ruining people's perception of reality LMAO

you can't just go to a person in authority and be like 'this person is terrible and mean, and they need to go away!' and expect it to work...

At one point I was asked if the behavior was so severe that it warranted removal from the guild

But that was during the hour long dance of "but what behavior though"

And I never truly got an answer for my question

Sorry I meant, I asked. Not was asked

But either way, he literally just sort of had a tantrum about himself but painted it as someone else's problem that only I could fix as resident mommy dearest

I gave him the most Buddhist response by the end of

Wait, I will c/p

"When you are angry with someone, when you hate someone, it only hurts you. It doesn't hurt them. They aren't thinking of you, they aren't bothered by you. So by hating others you are hating yourself and harming yourself. So the best thing you can do is not hate, be good to yourself, and not let them bother you as you don't bother them"

A previous student of mine who was a Buddhist nun taught me that

This is not the use I thought that teaching would have, but if it works it works I guess

that is delightful

i'm going to have to remember that, it's a really good way to live

the irony of claiming that a 5 yo would know when they've pissed someone off while not noticing that they are pissing you off is not lost on me

LMAO YOU NOT WRONG