I started a weeklong petsit yesterday and in the middle of the night the period finally shows up and now today it's been fine except oh no no the sads have suddenly kicked the fuck in out of fucking nowhere

I should play with the excited energetic goldendoodle! just to get more out of him! but also hufffff I don't want to get up or do anything I just wanna. mm. cry? feel bad?

and it makes me question every choice I've ever made, what if I'm bad at pets, what if I'm just lazy actually, I'm going to have to go back to job hunting and actually I'm a lazy fraud, I still have to write things I miss reading and writing things I miss who I used to be, and what if I just laid on the couch and cried about nothiiiiing

I'm also very tired and if I don't end up sleeping well in the next few days I may lose my mind completely-

I am at least glad I'll be having a little more work this week, figured I might. the dogsit family mmmmight be back by the time I come back from work, we'll see. the one hotel manager is trying to set up like. a girls night?? or. some kind of luncheon of the pantry staff I think??? I'm not sure bc I'm not replying bc I don't care

I'm sitting here trying not to cry again. I kind of feel like a failure. I can't concentrate on anything. I feel like I'm a bad pet sitter even tho there is no reason to feel that way really. my body feels like it's slowly breaking down. I only now just ate tonight and I can't even really call it dinner but like I haven't? been hungry?

tomorrow i'm gonna stop by home so I can talk to my bro about some stuff to plan and also take a shower, and also idk bring more tea and breakfast snackies with me maybe idk

trying to distract myself with shorter funny videos bc the longer ones I'm doing the pausing do other thing watch five minutes pause do a thing-

I wanna work on d&d and I'm only making the slightest superficial bit of progress

and I have to believe that being inundated with badfeels is mostly a hormone thing bc BOY I miss when I thought everything was gonna turn out okay lol