So I was a firefighter, a stationhouse lieutenant in South LA

when I woke up after spending two weeks as a giant bitey crab

you see, the crabs - about eighteen inches tall, as big around as a coffee table, and about half mouth

had been seen in the canyons & brushlands around the area for months

our firehouse discovered that if a crab bit you, you would be transformed into a crab

after this happened to me, we more or less stopped fighting fires and devoted our time to tracking the crabs

we eventually found the portals they were entering our world through, and entered the alien world they came from

which had been colonized by the Aztecs several centuries ago

but we couldn't communicate with them, so when we got back to earth, we asked the Mexican government if they could loan us a Nahuatl translator

they did, and he helped us iron out a trade agreement where the Aztecs would stop the were-crabs from wandering through the portals

but the Mexican government saw the portals to an alien world as a great opportunity for a power grab, reneged on the deal, & invaded the portals

resulting in our stationhouse being on the run from the Mexican government while two million Aztecs & their crab allies poured into LA

now, the Aztecs were armed with atlatl & macahuitl; and earth had, yknow, guns

so clearly we would win the war, crabs pr no crabs

but it was gonna be messy

and then I woke up

Discuss.

were-crabs buried in sand grabbing ankles and biting passersby is a helluva strategy

it was not enjoyable