so, uh. i haven't been doing great lately at just like, being a person

i wish i had a thing i could point to and say here's the thing that's got me fucked up but it kind of seems like everything is? which is super unhelpful

for the last several months i just have not been any fun to interact with, or at least i haven't felt fun. every time i would open plurk or dw i would just kind of freeze, or have an actual panic attack, and i knew that it's, you know, fandom rp. it's pretty low stakes, but for whatever reason my brain decided that i just couldn't do it

which is not an excuse for ghosting everyone, and i am genuinely sorry

but the end result of this particular pit of despair is that I've elected to let eliot get swept. not for good! i want to app him back in when I'm in a better headspace, i just don't know if I'm quite there yet. give me like, until spring

i think id like to do maybe some psls, or throw someone new onto the tdm just to play around with while i get back into the swing of things, but i also don't want to freak myself out again so I'll see how many spoons i end up mustering

i really did miss you all. im sorry ive sucked so much lately

i'm sorry you've been having such a rough time. definitely understand that.