first off low effort catgirl ruan mei doodle. now that ive forced everyone to look at her

things i gottaaaaa. talk about

- acidiaquest + bringing back the body + need to get a microscope from nana. and i guess morgue quest

sits here

- lovelessness postmortem + current feelings. The Depression(tm)(?)

and uhhhh specific feelings particularly on shura and aloe...

i'll go into that more tomorrow though.

moretta meanwhile still having a decent time

shes really enjoying spending time around holy orders + forges friends... gotta touch more of them more. specifically shura and elegy more

ohhhh GORGEOUS DOODLE

oh my god i forgot the rest of her hair skjfhdjk

FUCK IT WHATEVER THIS WAS JUST A SKETCHY SPLASH ART TRACE ANYWAY. I JUST WANTED TO TURN HER INTO A CAT

i need to bed soon so actual chatter will have to be tomorrow

but. so i dont forget.

sits here

i was gonna do toplevels and then realized. i dont have any KJSHDK

links i mean. TOMORROW PERHAPS...

sits too CUUTE DOODLE

hehehehe

Ruan mya

Also I need to have cade visit acidia and stare at her

YourOverlord: if he visits at any point around 242/243 he won't see her bc she is holed up in her room

he is definitely welcome to barge in however

... That would also be very funny

Claws on her door

just open her door to stare at her while she stares back

and slowly leave

my brain is so fried i actually dont think i have terribly much to expound upon on my own so i'll just say thoughts whatever

ACIDIAQUEST... uhhh really horrifying. being invaded with parasites and eaten from the inside out was not high on her list of reasonable fears but it sure is now!!! however immediately soothed by being able to focus on doing weird science shit (digging into fake meat puppet flesh and pulling things out)

she wants to know what used to be in the memory marbles/why they were embedded in there/what the corpses are actually made of but thats what further experimentation and also a microscope is for

ultimately she came away from all that pretty satisfied that they found some cool stuff. parasites were horrifying but she can live with that after (everything else after)

her operating theory is that the memory marbles are more or less just used to puppet meat bodies/that those bodies specifically were a "failed" other pre-eonia family of some sort. or that they were "amnesiacs" and that amnesiacs are actually just ai generated meat puppets and no longer real people.

much to think about. oh also when she's done pulling samples i guess theyre gonna try to put the corpse(?) into the ghost room to maybe get possessed. who knows

lovelessness............. well. That Sure Happened Didn't It

since shura told her about that blessing this was like coming right off of her sort of figuring out from the visions + just thinking more about it that the idea of "can't feel love" is the only thing that makes sense when she compares herself against uhhh basically every spouse/SO she's had

if that were not the case why could she not be content with things?? aloe saying she seemed pretty content with life was surprising to her bc she truly has never felt content. if she did why would she be a serial monogamist. much to think about. except thinking about it makes her kind of angry, especially on the boat when she's in such close quarters with

all of them and they interact more often than they otherwise would. which makes her have feelings. which makes her angry. which makes her angrier because she doesn't know why she's angry and why she's having feelings etc etc same shit i've talked about before

anyway she TRULY did assume that shura's blessing would pull nothing from her

so when it did she got mad about it because... well, because she was wrong

but also because rather than "i cannot love" it now becomes "something is wrong with the way i love" instead. which is worse

she generally does not see herself badly and thinks she is more or less ideal as a person she wants to be exceeeeeeeeeept. this

while i had shura's blessing pull her love for PEOPLE away i also had it pull out any of her drive and passion for things she enjoys like desserts, tea, embroidery, etc. because what is that if not another form of love

she still journaled and took notes but it was more because she felt like she "should" rather than she actively wanted to see how it was affecting her. she just... didn't care

there really wasn't anything there except some sort of tired fog and a general feeling of disgust/irritation especially whenever someone poked at her about it. normally she would be able to be like "ah it's because they care for me for some reason" but she couldn't recognize that like this and it instead became just. a major annoyance

hilariously it did not actually get annoying enough for her to go "GOD FINE I'LL GET IT BACK IF YOU SHUT UP" right up until she walked into her exes being Too Fucking Close while one of them was wearing her skin suit

and then it was like

you do this? you copy miette? you involve miette in your weird little kinks without asking her? i would have said yes if it would shut you up

SO A FEW THINGS NOW THAT SHE HAS HER LOVE BACK

1. she needs tea so bad but she's not leaving her room until she's done fixing aster's shirt. lmao

2. she is mortified in the quietest way she can possibly be, mostly because she DID outwardly change despite not realizing it before but also because she was very rude to people who clearly cared about her. that's weird why would they do that. embarrassing

bmcjcgmg the myth of consensual hitting on your ex's ex while he's wearing your ex's face

3. she's keenly aware that aloe is VERY VERY mad at her but she doesn't really know what to do about that... she also is aware that she lied to him to get him off her back but she doesn't actually know these two things are connected.

the lying and aloe being mad about her giving up her love are two different issues in her mind. she could apologize but would he accept it. probably not. if he said he'd still had love for her but now is acting like this so SURELY he no longer does. she had previously been like "alright clearly i'm causing problems for these exes so i should give them more

space and back off" but aloe was like "nah im good" HE'S NO LONGER GOOD. THAT MUCH IS CLEAR. SHE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THAT STEP BACK IN THE FIRST PLACE !!!!!!!!!!!

shura...................

help

oh right re: aloe and lying to him as well she also did not truly realize the extent of which she was lying to him and now she very much does. wow

anyway shura. she has no fucking idea what's going on with him. it's EXTREMELY unusual (to her) for him to act the way he was acting when she found him and aloe but without love/care she did not have the brain cells to be like "what the fuck is going on here. where is your anxiety" but now she has that back and now she's like

what the hell. what was THAT

he never tells her anything though and she kind of assumes if aloe was mad that he probably is also at least a little mad and will never say shit or fuck to her so she's a bit in limbo there

minus stitches

no i think that also applies.

unfortunately he has never shown her a vision of his so she doesn't know that geto suguru is Like That. thats on her list to ask about eventually though because cash told her aaaaalll about the blood and gore and shit. and shes like. what the hell

i wanna see.

when in the future this will happen though who knows

because right now she's kind of turning into a corn cob

NOT THE CORNCOB

he might text her before probably

just hi bb hyd

also brief but re: aster she's most mortified about him because like. he didnt know. he has no idea. her poor sweet boy who did not deserve that objectively

hence why she's locked herself in her room to finish fixing his shirt which she's going to leave outside his door instead of attempting to talk to him whatsoever because why would sahe

she^

rainpuddles: JKSHAKJA

EHDBDBDJDNDKKD he didnt know

HE DIDN'T KNOW!!!!!!!!

im gonna howl if he gets [hiatus]'d before shes done. has to guiltily hold onto shirt

i love the shirt drama

just further elevating it all

satin has no idea what he accidentally caused

well

WHEEZES

I'm crying

Aloe will hunt her down on like 143 probably

we can forward date it so I have thread food to eat this weekend

Frost saved her from more prolonged butt hurt and doesn't realize it

he does also need to talk to Shura. probably.

Penny's current husband

jhdsfghsd+

who is fucking his brother

he's asking Eriks first* because he does not trust Shura to say anything honest to him

* he asked Brocade first

shovels popcorn into mouth

eriks does not deserve this

To be fair, Brocade is absolutely going to be like "Bro I don't know what to tell you, but I'm pretty sure the most action his dick has had was aiming to piss."

HHASHJDGJ

moonfell: show me frost thread

also yes please. opens my inbox arms tag me

NISHI

jkdfjfd

posting this one in mine also because. lmao...

here

AHGSJHA

frost coming in with the common sense

i feel so bad i killed shura text thread dead on arrival but also. sad(?) bitch hours

no it's good

just enhances messiness for later

MESSINESS GOOD BAD FOR ME WANTING FLOOR THREADS!!!!!!!!!

KNEECAPPING MY OWN PLAY TIME

i play geto suguru i understand

for once i am not the one dipping out of threads

hghdjs