attempt being the keyword here because my memory is swiss cheese and i absolutely know I'm going to forget things out of order

so, first up: surprise! hawke wasn't from da2 but instead four years later during inquisition. this will be relevant when i get there

idr if i did this for femhawke actually but we'll just do it again for funsies

da2 opens with the hawke family escaping their home because of the blight- demons everywhere, the lands, animals, and people infected and dying, the works, and doing their best to escape to the area(s) yet touched.

during this time, they meet the first of our companions, avaline, the later commander of the city guard and all around take no shit momfriend of a badass (and her then husband). depending on your class, carver or bethany gets got by an orc and mom immediately loses it, blaming hawke for not protecting them. fair, but ouch.

you can imagine how awkward and uncomfortable the rest of the trip to kirkwall is

mom, on that note, is a kirkwall noble. she ran away with their dad before the kids were born in a fairytale romance of a mage falling in love with a rich girl and getting the heck out of dodge to live happily ever after. her parents, unsurprisingly weren't too happy about this and cut her off from the family.

uuuuh somewhere along the way they ease up on that and actually add her back to the family but mom missed that notif because she was pregnant with the twins when they died. so in her stread, her brother takes control until she returns to inherent.

so they get to kirkwall, mom rolls up like, hey i used to live here, and the city guards are like yea you and everyone else waiting to get in. cause as it turns out, half of ferelden is also trying to escape the blight and immigrate into kirkwall. it's busting at the seams

squints at the sky i could open the wiki but I'm vaguely sure gamlen doesn't even bother coming to get them but someone goes pssst we can get you in- for a price. and hawke being like, i need to get my family in to safety, ok ig. so he (and carver) get conscripted into a merc group

whatever!!! it gets them in!!!! and they immediately find out dear uncle gamlen is scum of the earth, gambled off the entire family fortune, the house, and is generally a incredibly unpleasant person. yaaaaay. they live in his shack for a while and it was A Time

the next year or so is them just working off the debt. it's mostly glossed over but lbr it was unpleasant dirty work and since this is before varric, and it's his retelling of hawke's story, he probably doesn't know either

i tend to veer towards A Lot Of Murder when i do mention it. nods

somewhere along the way he meets varric, dwarf, best bud, and soon to be best selling author. him and his brother are putting together an expedition team to explore the deep roads, the underground dwarven network which is usually overrun by darkspawn. there's supposedly untold riches hiding in there no one can get to with the sheer amount of demon

but since the just had a blight, and everybody left to party, the numbers are at the lowest it'll be and therefore a perfect time to explore. hawke, unsurprisingly says SURE, WHY NOT

partly because if they do find all that gold, he can buy back the deed to the family house and make moms life 99999% less stressful

anyway so varric is like COOL. SWEET. ok we need a map, there's a guy hiding somewhere in darktown that is rumored to be a grey warden.

[ ENTER, ANDERS ] I'll direct you to alli for a better summary of that bit

a tldr hawke helps him out, anders falls in dokis incredibly hard, and off they go on their merry way. yay!

somewhere in this he also meets fenris by him sticking a hand through someones chest and yanking out their heart and growls about hating mages. no matter which version, hawke goes wow, hot.

anyway, so varric and hawke and whoever you pick go wandering through the tunnels, this version tells carver to stay with mom bc he won't be around and he don't trust gamlen w a ten foot pole.

carver immediately turns around and joins the templars

you know. the group who controls mages and has power to stop them in their tracks? that one. he insists it's to protect his big bro but like, this betrayal? their relationship really never recovers after that.

whatever! it's fine! because the deep roads provided, he's full of riches now, the amell estate becomes the hawke estate and he's rubbing elbows with the nobility

they actually never really mention if hawke ever learned all the nobility nonsense but given mom, I'm gonna say half the lessons were automatically included growing up, and the rest were learned on the fly

i have no memory of what happens next

opens the wiki in tears

.... oh i missed some things oops

- they meet Flemeth, witch of the wilds and dragon shifter on their way to kirkwall. for a price of a favor, she offers safe passage. this is where hawke goes CAN I LEARN TO DO THAT? and flemeth goes u wish. and fucks off.

- it was gamlens contacts who indentured them into merc work

- bartrand

ok anyway. no wonder i have no memory of what happens next, it's moms turn. yaaaaaay

almost everyone got this memory bc i was brain blasting depression in every direction but here we go

okay! so three years after hawke returns, the family is restored, gamlen gets abandoned to his shack, mom goes missing

this, in the middle of hawke already being on an investigation on missing women bodes terribly and surprisingly, it is! some fucko weirdo has been using blood magic to tetris women together to recreate his dead wife, using mom as its base.

unsurprisingly, hawke kills the shit out of him and mom tells him she's so proud and dies in his arms. absolutely not traumatic at all

of course, the fun never ends and while hawke is trying to mourn (and the companions do their.... something trying to console him (anders legitimately says YOU'RE LUCKY YOU GOT HER FOR AS LONG AS YOU DID which like, thanks. but also. please))

anyway! shit happens in kirkwall! (shit is always happening in kirkwall). there's been a group of qunari, a... kinda cult? of a race? i truly don't want to say YEA ABSOLUTELY. but also. they're definitely a cult. ANYWAY, they've been stuck in kirkwall because someone stole their sacred texts and they legitimately can't return without it

there's a pair of criminal elves who ask them for religious sanctuary despite being on kirkwall soil. Avaline is like, they gotta be arrested for their crimes? and the arishok, dealing with the sneers and jeers of anti-qun nonsense, flips a table and goes YOU'RE ALL GETTING CONVERTED TO THE QUN. FUCK THIS.

so the city is on fire, the viscount finds himself parted from his head, and hawke somehow gets talked into fighting the guy for honor and glory

needless to say, as a squishy mage this goes as poorly as one would think and there's a reason there's nothing but memes about hawke screaming around pillars with the arishok chasing him

ser snuffles really putting in the work

so somehow, hawke manages to win, the knight commander of the templars goes HMPH and names him champion of kirkwall

haha. oh no

three years after that, meredith is still going HMPH but has also been a giant pain in preventing a new viscount from being elected, and in the time has gone from a relatively reasonable templar to a nightmare of a human

mages are getting killed left and right or made tranquil by the dozens, the mage underground ~~railroad~~ is basically decimated, and shit is just incredibly grim

the first enchanter is like YO THIS BITCH BE CRAZY and tries to get people to see reason and all them instead look at hawke like, u deal w this.

hawke, otoh:

anyway he ends up right in the middle of the mage-templar disaster, and the rebels who are trying to overthrow meredith. anders, in the meanwhile, as we all know take this as his sign to go all in and blows up the chantry as his declaration of NO COMPROMISING. NO SURRENDER. this, unsurprisingly does not go the way he wants

at this point, canon gives you options and for ultimate fun we went for well, shit anders. you just marked yourself a terrorist and killed a lot of innocent people. you've got to pay either now or later so we're just gonna get it over with now.

meanwhile meredith, furious, orders the right of annulment, in which she and templars are allowed to kill every man, woman and child mage in the city. which, as a mage is a little awkward. the first enchanter is like WE? HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS? CHAMPION, HELP.

however in his desperate attemptd to win against meredith, our first enchanter turns to blood magic and becomes a demon (he dies) and it turns out merediths sword is full of red lyrium which was making her paranoid and crazy (she dies)

hawke ultimately flees the city before the templars can call reinforcements to actually go through with the right, and they scatter into the winds.

THE END

or is it?

so in the dlc we learn that somewhere in the timeskips, hawke is looking into some new fucko weirdo who's looking for "the blood of the hawke" because they want to use it to awaken a demon. turns out! that to escape from kirkwall, the Wardens conscripted dad into creating a prison for the guy since he wasn't warden adjacent. the only person(s) who could

would be his eventual heirs

tldr corypheus ends up waking, hawke fights the guy and ends up killing it good.

........or so he thought

smashcut to four years later

the mages have risen! they're rebelling all over the place and it's full out war between them and the templars

hawke has mostly gone to ground to keep his head out of trouble but in the meantime has been looking into red lyrium bc that shits potent and full of crazy making potential

however, the grey warden he was working with went radio silent which is concerning. there's a bigass tear in the sky straight to the fade pouring out demons, and wow it turns out the elder one trying to become a god, is corypheus! yay!!!

varric rings up hawke to come talk to the inquisition about the demon he fought and maybe get some help about his missing warden buddy along with finding out wtf is their problem these days

turns out Every Single Grey Warden is hearing the calling, a song that tells them their time is up and it's time to find death in the deep roads. it's being falsely manufactured by corypheus to send them all into a panicked early death so he can have free reign to do as he pleases

reminder that anders is (was) a grey warden for extra fun

anyway, so looking into that turns into discovering there's a warden commander attempting to use blood magic ritual and ending all blights ever. however it would sacrifice all the wardens present and conscript them to corypheus's bidding

she, however, didn't know that last bit and went wHOA WAIT A SECOND HERE and in the ensuing fight, does her best to kill the magister who was whispering all of this into her ear, very dead

this has the unfortunate side effects of destroying the bits of the fortress hawke and the inquisitior were at and the whole things goes crumbling off the cliff they were on. luckily our inky finds out they can open rifts besides closing them and saves the group by dumping them into the fade

here, the inquisitor finds out a lot of missing pieces of their lore, hawke finds out that the wardens were doing a lot more damage than he realized, and the warden is like, SO WERE YOU? it's a great time all around

anyway, they do their best to leave the fade but there's a big damn nightmare (real) in their way and hawke volunteers to sacrifice himself to play target while the others make their escape.

upon that point, we never hear from our boy again so it's pretty much assumed it killed him. yaaaaay

and thus we arrive at heaven ✨️

but break time first

i feel like i should mention that if hawke survives: "Varric mentions that Weisshaupt has apparently deteriorated into 'the special kind of mess that only happens when Hawke shows up'."

me, crowing VALIDATION every time he gets into shit

ok now that i did one (1) chore and have to lay down from dizzies

hawke, in heaven!! yaaaaaay

not the place he expected to end up ngl

thedas doesn't particularly have a heaven/hell everyone just kinda ends up in the fade and if you're reeeeeeally really good maybe you'll end up at the makers side

so the whole concept was a bit like
ok

the reception aspect he didn't care too much about given.... gestures to everything above but the minute he saw anders it was a bit of an ah, moment

reception? redemption ac, please

SO ANDERS IS HERE and even worse, from immediately after while he got to tromp around for a few more years and end up in a tangled ball of regret and distance

this ends up being v important later

he's not sure what to do about it really, has messy feelings about the whole thing and then? charlie ends up dying? didn't know you could do that when you're dead but here we are

it's almost a relief to have claude pop up as a distraction on monday but that immediately goes south because they're love potion laced oops

which makes him confront the truth he's been stupid about this whole time: anders really fucking loves you my dude and you haven't noticed at all

hawke, unsurprisingly panics

so he ends up taking a good hard look at his hands and goes ARE THESE FEELINGS... FEELING? ROMO FEELJNGS? DO I HAVE... A (betrayed) DOKI? and throws all logic out the window to go kiss anders and figure it out.

apparently he does! wow!

too bad he immediately gets possessed and mcmurders adolphe

we uh, all saw how that ends

yikes!

so now he's stuck in the graveyard, full of feelings he's only barely sorted out, now with more death added to the mixture and he basically dissociates for a week and wonders if he's the problem

(he's half the problem)

now remember that bit i mentioned about distance. the first death was years ago for him, all of his hurt has numbed by this point he just doesn't Think About It anymore. it's partially why when the gy gets letter access, he shitposts as his initial message. the other being he was full out losing is mind being stuck with adolphe (murdery) and dan (murdery)

jy (hono shoo'ing) and poor charlie

stares at my fingers in typo betrayal will you please work with me

RUBS FOREHEAD anyway. so the second being some shit attempt at poetry became maybe? the first one didn't go through? but then anders replies with what in the fuck are you doing you're making this hard if you can't figure your shit out about me, cease and desist

uh, well. he spiraled. charlie unfort got the brunt of it as the gy's unofficial therapist but hawke was doing bad fam! he was fully losing it and wondering if he could do a damn thing without fucking up and apparently the answer was no

this is why he told anders that ok. we'll take a break. grow a bit and reconvene later. btw, I don't want to be champion anymore this title only brings me problems

bro was straight up in the dumps for a while after this. there was a lot of drinking.

by now zhongli was here so at least he had some company (that liked him) and like a fool, loss week had him losing his sense of fear so he semi confronted adolphe since yves asked and.... well, adolphe said fuck you very much and sliced off his head

absolutely not traumatic, take..... shit uh. four?

loss week also had him losing his sense of reason which is why he smooched og buff dan

also partially to curse everyone in the gy with this secret

squints into the sky i don't think anything else too important happened until cyoa in which he rolled horribly for himself but rolled nat20s for everyone else. canon imo

the full list was like, hallucinating, full of arrow shafts, bleeding from spike wounds, missing an eye, drowning damage...

somehow nat20s everyone to safety in the meanwhile

proud of him

unfortunately it did have the addition of both mom and anders telling him just how badly he failed the both of them, and him getting to experience mom dying in his arms again. yay!

with the acid trip happening he unfortunately took it to heart

so by the time he gets back, the spiraling has become a whirlwind of self hatred and you know what maybe it's best he just. doesn't. go home. there's no point. his story is done

anders doesn't deserve anything related to thedas and so maybe they can just leave? together? go explore the stars and see what else is out there 🥺

......lmao

so the luofu was his initial intent only bc of the vidyadhara and wanting to learn more but jy was like, mmmmm you're not gonna have a good time.

so teyvat became his second option if only became zhongli was dragon and he could Learn More but also the spiral abyss was there and he enjoyed fighting it

ali was option three if all else failed because teasing him was good fun and he absolutely wanted to meet his unicorn counterpart. and maybe bang him

somewhere in here yves also played therapist and hawke truly adored him for being open and honest and probably (one of) the most trustworthy ones

it didn't stop the spiraling but it slowed it down by a lot and had him realizing oh I'm sinking really badly. let's try and not do that

unfortunately,

so they return! yay! it's great for everyone and he's a little awkwardly like i barely know any of ye but hello anyway and the general atmosphere is like, GET FUCKED. oof

him and anders manage to talk and before they even get very far anders goes SO I'M LEAVING WITH SHADOWHEART

insert record screech

take everything i said about him not spiraling and toss it back in the river

so now his vague hopeful plans are crushed on arrival, anders is looking for him to fight for them, and hawke is like, i can barely stand to fight for myself

which is why he ultimately tells anders to go, have fun. be free and for the love of the maker keep in contact

it's probably why to no ones surprise, that during our group depression pit he initially voted no

it's only due to anders telling him to man up that he pulls himself out of his head to change it

ultimately i don't think he would have been bothered to stay behind as long as everyone else got their option to leave

if only because he could fight childe?

can't be depressed if you're fighting for your life taps head

but now he's off to menace sumeru and be nahida's problem and maybe be zhongli's kept guy idk if he had his money and fortune but he should for the lol

the...end.....? question mark

i skipped a lot but it really is just Hawke Had A Bad Time and made choices, the game

if any of yall read this far I'll be surprised but
yay

i keep remembering i forgot things and then forgetting what i remembered by the time i open plurk

GRIPS FIST IN TEARS.....MY MEMLOSS

hides it in here but do you ever feel shy about going to people for I WISH YOU TO TELL ME ABOUT OUR CR but you died early but also blew it up so it just feels awkward asking

you can ask me if you want

i will give tl;crs to week 1 deadzos

I'll TELL U ABOUT OUR ONE PC CR. Kaworu mostly feels sorry for Hawke like...like we hit on in the pc. Kaworu is so fond of Anders that the idea you couldn't make it work and keep it together just seems so sad to him. Like. that sucks. cuz hawke seems nice enough and he's handsome so RIP

if he'd not been a deadzo think hawke and kaworu would have been v. funny because kaworu would... not understand like any of hawke's humor he'd constantly be like "what do you even mean" and depending on how it went the situations with anders would be "someone trying to do parent trap who has never even heard of the parent trap"

or

HELP ME i love u kaworu

help

i will tell u about our cr

finish your 300 page essay and you can do whatever you like

MY ESSAY ...

the way im like sure alli im sure you will get through your tlcrs

IM DOING MY BEST

in another month maybe

Yeah two mgs from now alli is still writing their lore plurk

SITS UP I FINALLY REMEMBERED WHAT I FORGOT I REMEMBERED

or, at least part of it

for the unaware, hawke has three types of dialogue cboices, red, blue, and purple. aggressive, diplomatic and chaotic charming. unsurprisingly everyone and their mom is a purple hawke truther.

i don't know how well it came off because i, personally was screaming the entire time, but while he was possessed and being a bit of a dick, i was leaning hard into red hawke

which, is partially why he was fed up after the third person came looking for the same exact thing lmf

AND
I SHOULD ADD
HE HAD NO IDEA ABOUT THE APPLES LMAO

adolphe finding this out at like, w6 you will forever live rent free in my head

oh!!! and egg being named egg was a nod to hawke being the guy to name is dog 'dog'.

i hc bethy was the one to name ser snuffles but that's not a constant imo. sometimes carver wins in naming him barkspawn.