So workaholicism (in the extremely unhealthy LIFE IS WOOOOOORRRK stage) is usually a problem wherein the person wants to avoid emotional turbulence and fixing things at home and like Jay Leno -> can't relax and just fucking chill out doing something else fun and enjoyable because they're convinced they'd rather be working etc.

Obviously it usually takes a severe upheaval in the form of loss of health, divorce, or a child having a problem only the parent can deal with by having to cut back their OOT devotion to work etc.

chemical addictions are "easy" to trace nuerologically, the pathways and neurons that get stronger with continual usage aren't dissimilar from most things neurological in general etc. (memory, training your brain in a sport, practice makes perfect and repetition strengthens things) -> the behavioral ones do best with replacements but resolving the initial

"trigger" and what causes the likelihood for relapses is a must.

wrt: gambling addiction it becomes a giant hole that people can't dig out of, with the added illusion that digging deeper (and dragging others in!) will somehow make a path upwards (it doesn't)

Most of these are fear & hope dichotomies. Fear of digging the hole deeper; fear of fighting with loved ones at homes vs. hope and ideation of making things better by work; or "winning big" to splurge etc.

In general I think tying money ITSELF to making others' lives better short circuits those two; incentivizes healing other addictions, similar to if you build a rat city; with enrichment and society and freedom but where they're protected -- VERY different from a prison without enrichment, freedom, or ability for social welfare!! -> they can even wean each

other off drugs rather than self-medicate to death

Also dependency is not the issue. You have to have liquids, my cousin was allergic to drinking, so he has to get fluids from foods to make up for it.

You're still dependent on water basically \:|/

salt, food in general

It is when it starts to negatively impact your life.

Being dependent on meds is not a bad thing. If the meds become too much thanks to the side effects, switching to others is fine and reasonable.

It's not addiction; it's health.

In some cases -- eating disorders; it's very much about feeling like so much of life is out of their control so they try to take control over eating in an unhealthy way and how it affects their self image (which is not really in your power to control at all because how other people see you is not yours to control, the best you can do is put forth what you

want, and HOPE others run with that instead of something else // PERSONA! sorry had to)

So definitely wrt myself, I had to surrender all control preeeetttttttttty much constantly. Because of health. And life. and family. and circumstances and -- etc.

I'm still allowed to define myself "wItHiN rEaSoN" whatever that means

((It means: with acknowledging defined "laws" via knowledge about the universe, physics, life, morality, and never stepping on others toes intentionally, and willingness to work around other peoples' parameters if I do, but without needing to cede my general autonomy or morality to conform to their ideas of THEMSELVES in who I want to be/am etc.))

Certain things I might WANT (to eat apples) I will never be "allowed" to do again (it would increasingly kill me :VVVV) -- I mean technically I have the physical allowance to fucking eat an apple, or risk death BY ACCIDENT if I'm not careful, but it would make me extremely sick, I know better (see above) and it would severely disappoint everyone and I have

no desire for that given that I know better and it's literally preventable? But yes, no one but ME (and the consequences) can stop me, but the consequences of it is what I meant here

Also it's fucking funny that LILITH is allergic to apples AMIRITE? So funny. Totally going in the movie. So very Snow White.

So seizing upon the control I have: I can limit my exposure to apples ~~ relatively ~~ but too far the control itself can be an "addiction" wherein the negative consequences (paranoia, obsession, the futility) outweigh any potential postitive outcome so you have to just do your best, and leave the rest up to god/fate/whatever you believe in but caveat:

you do have to do your best

Just as Satan tried to convince Jesus in the desert (hay lent) to turn the rocks and sand or whatever into food to eat -- the point is NOT to just have God break the universe for your lazy convenience. Yes he can tweak it for emergencies (extending the oil for the miracle that became Hanukkah) but you still have to do your best etc.

Also he does want people to enjoy life, but maybe adjust your priorities. If you value apples over health, you're going to lose those apples. And no, an apple a day is not good for you as it fucking turns out. (note I wasn't addicted to apples, they were just my favorite and I wanted to be healthy :|||| THE IRONY WAS NEVER LOST ON ME)

But also it wasn't that hard for me to deal with losing because again; what I valued was the perceived health benefits. \:|/ I liked cheddar cheese and couldn't believe they could cause migraines, but I quickly accepted "Oh look at that, well fuck this then" because nothing is worth that pain (short of saving someone else's life/well-being)

Likewise I am not capable of enjoying losing/ceding control to allergies. I have spent my life looking for ways to do better about it, but obviously "get super AIDS so it reverses your immune system" would not work, it just would be extra difficult to deal with both on top of each other o_<

"Did you really consider that CC?" >> Lissssssssstennnn...

My identity was so wrapped up in working; in helping others and creating stories (literally what my silverwolf name means from tribe) that I definitely had some soul-breaking when I first got sick and couldn't work. I couldn't volunteer, I couldn't even go to school (where getting A++ was part of my identity too -- see overachiever workaholicism) and I

couldn't physically exercise even though I had something of a chemical addiction to weight lifting because it helped override the migraines pain etc. (fear = pain, hope = STRONGER in all respects, but especially physically as if I could just punch away the problems, ditto esp. when I was being abused at home and that was the other reason for being

workaholic)

Identity is definitely one of the harder parts with addiction to overcome, and why the 12 step programs usually include surrendering to God.

A gambler who defines himself as Lucky, or Smarter than average whales, or even just a big PLAYER, is going to have 10x the difficulty of someone who can just easily acknowledge "what the fuck, I blew $20,000 on ONE bet, this isn't fun, I'm not happy, and I want my life back."

But there is the cult problem fallacy of once you invest in the cult, you're invested, and start making up stupid reasons to stay because otherwise you wasted all that time/money/emotional capital because you're a suuuuucker and a loser etc. (identity)

++ leaving the cult is like leaving the gang. You don't. Because snitches might get stitches, but traitors get left in ditches.

-- I had to redefine myself a lot. I was very very very pacificistic as a kid, and yet had to become a fighter. I lost my capacity to do so many things I took for granted. Anything I wanted to do never came easily, but the things that did I didn't care about.

Humans have an amazing wonderful capacity to adapt, and it's truly a gift. (ya'll like eevees, just pick your type -- or don't. whatever do you~)

((This sounds like the kind of "LESSONS I LEARNED ON EARTH" message an alien leaves before returning home -- I'm not going anywhere! I SWEAR! I'm just grateful to be here and alive and excited for life!!))

Every day is a fresh chance to have a new start, and people don't even know it. Carpe diem etc.

Never tie your identity to something that can be taken away. Health, physical things, even general family unless you can roll with the loss. Always keep moving forward and wanting more. And define yourself. Live your truth. Manifest it into reality to make the world better for more than just you. And yes, even your worst flaws and struggles (and addiction)

can be lifechanging and helpful in ways you can't see (butterfly wings)

I would argue that you can always self-define without limits. ...except for your tolerance for cognitive dissonance where your definition conflicts with physical reality.

^ That's what I mean

BUT ALSO LIKE

There is a definite danger; as a I said, in defining yourself by something like "I'm a RICH BITCH" you're going to lose that money \:|/ don't do it.

So I defined myself internally by my capacity to produce; to work, to DO

Pro-tip: Fucking don't.

Value yourself more

Likewise I valued myself by my values; ie: feminism.

not my most genius doing

It made it very difficult for me when I had to deal with all that cognitive dissonance and decide between feminism or egalitarianism and true justice and racial justice and wherein does feminism cross the line of being a positive force for equality into yet another means and tool of oppression by cult-like forces

Nationalist -- well You've seen how that went and fell

yeah I think we had those conversations a few times

Obviously using labels that no one gives a fuck about can be a thing. Ie: if I say I'm a succubus (wherein exceptions: consequences -- if I lean too hard into it, I'll scare the shit out of my family / any Christian friends who don't know what that MEANS / confusing children / GETTING WEIRDER ETC.) but it's one of those "be careful what you wish for" things

But this is one of the things that happens with PTSD too. A lot of the worst recurring problems are where it hits the soul in "how you define yourself." So getting sexually assaulted can fuck you up especially if you were trying to define yourself as pure or strong; (or invincible) and the lack of choice or ability to move can fuck people up long after

the fact more than those who just do something in the moment and have the ability/capacity to let it go instead of traumatizing them.

It can help to redefine as "because of this experience I will help and protect others."

Because then you are defining your role in the situation and who you are moving forward

also; VERY relevant dealing with Cult / Trumpist family;

It's important to subtly help them redefine themselves NOT as Trumpists or MAGA -- but instead literally trying to help them find something good that you once cherished in them. Ie: Patriot. Or "freedom lover." Or truth teller

That helps to redefine the cult behaviors from their pushing into "us vs. the WORLD" and more into looking objectively at the hypocrisy and insane shit that goes against their very espoused value ie: "Free speech absolutist" or "economist" ymmv find what they value under the bullshit and lies and disninfo (if anything)

(if nothing -> then there's a lot more digging to try to get them to figure their shit out)

wrt: addictions -- again, you also must find something you value more than the addiction, and usually that's family / friends (see also: making amends)

but for the redefining thing -> that can be super helpful too. Like yes, you have to acknowledge you'll always be an alcoholic/workaholic / recovering because it doesn't go away, but you can still use it how

you see fit. Same with the PTSD. It happened; but you can use that to make it a superpower in that it's now something no one can take away; don't let it hold you back, but push you forward.

The only thing I love more than -doing- and work is learning and God. It was SUPREMELY difficult for me to even learn how to keep learning when I couldn't read, or move, or dream, or talk etc. It was... the worst. I was promised my counselor back then that I was still learning; I just didn't even know it yet.

Which was hard to believe for obvious reasons

Since I had to learn not only to break my measurement tools (societal parameters; my OWN, school testing became moot etc.) but even the idea of even having those tools and trying to understand whether they could really measure anything at all

And having to switch to games eventually which felt silly especially when I had to learn "you're allowed to enjoy it even if it's not objectively directly helping anyone else within your capacity to realize"

obviously I think most addictions; even gambling aren't as extreme a hit to the soul GENERALLY but redefining yourself by your new goals & objectives is GENERALLY the most successful way to any abstinence (indeed; it's the only sex education that worked; emphasizing a teen's long term career goals and future and what they are running towards to prioritize

it over exploring a sexual intimacy etc.)

but it's also a big part of why LGBT+ coming out of the closet is so hard (the identity thing) especially with how you definitely cannot control how society will perceive that etc.

I've defininitely started to realize that certain magats are at war for and against people's souls. It's a little terrifying.

yeah other people explicitly rejecting your identity is both alienating and an attack on your self-image

ya. I mean it's also easier to be like "Wow thank you for the compliment, you're the worst person I can think of, so if you reject me; fantastic " buuuuuut wrt self identity; definitely try to do it via something that opens doors (options) for you. And yes, it can help to like try to define someone else first ie; "You're being a fucking cultist."

or addict -- ala interventionism

well there's a difference between rejection like "I don't like you" and rejection like "nah that's not who you are"

but by the same token; better to let people tell you who they are not vice versa.

YEAH

NOW TO BE FAIR

So here's a fun example that I can't censor too much but

the first is pretty easy to dismiss by discarding that person's opinion, but disagreement on (perceived) statements of fact are tougher to dismiss

Someone who is trying to be a better person but was monstrously abusive in the past was playing D&D with my baby bro. And they were doing things that are super obviously fucking evil

of course if you really think about it, nobody else's opinion on your identity can actually affect your identity, because identity is a completely internal experience, but that's not how it feels

So both the DM & baby bro (and one or two other players) had to point out that even if your character sheet SAYS Neutral Good, if you play them like they're Chaotic Evil, actions speak louder.

probably because we want identity to be a stable, objective fact

Insomuch as soul is internal yes, but the expression of it (spirit) is external because it is HOW you interact with other people and how they see you (which again; not in your control.)

So I can self-identify as a succubus; as I said. I can wear demon horn headbands and lean reallllllllllllllllly hard on it buuuuuut again, consequences

Now if I just do it internally or only with my husband, then yeah, no consequences (except for him. RIP)

I mean you by definition cannot experience how I see you, only your interpretation of what I choose to express about how I see you... so from your perspective, your identity as a definite thing exists only for you

Yes

But you do have the whole

...and it's kind of weird for me to talk about your identity to me, I'd probably word it differently.

"Hi, I'm CC" and that begins a neutral sort of expression of identity to AA etc. meetings

well there are consequences to external expressions of internal things, but those internal things are still internal

It's important, because it's understanding again; you have to address "and I'm a workaholic" and move from there. Which is -- So the point obviously is that WHAT you are (a recovering addict) doesn't define WHO you are (name and internal identity)

yes. But -- so I hinged my INTERNAL identity on my external expressions and IDK IF YOU NOTICED BUT LIKE my force of will is such that I am constantly "YELL AND SCREAM IN ALL CAPS AND MANIFEST YOUR DESIRES INTO FUCKING REALITY"

so

Again; I'm 99.999% sure that's NOT normal for most people but

Being raised by Garp!Dad will do that to a person

"JUST PUNCH THE FUCKING WALL DOWN FOR BEING IN THE WAY D:<"

CC: :V OKAY

Hence why I also said; be careful what you wish for even with internal identity because you CAN start to manifest it annnnnnnd

if it's out of alignment with reality it can... hurt.

ah yeah I mean as much as I insist internal and external are distinct things, they're definitely connected things

So even if you identify as straight; it won't fucking make you straight.

yes

I mean they are distinct, but they're very connected

layers of skin are also distinct, but things that happen to one definitely have knock-on effects on the others

exactly what effects depends on what happens and individual biology etc, but there are gonna be effects

Yeah

So yes, it was very much on me for identifying by what I DO/(did)/wanted to do etc.

like I said; most people probably aren't literally pulling a Amy Winehouse/Johnny Depp re: alcohol etc. but for those that are "party animal" as part of their identity yeah, that makes recovery a LOT harder.

Or to be REALLY fucking wild. I identify as dark energy I wish to EXPAND THE UNIVERSE. And I can't be stopped. And good luck understanding the scope of my capacity and what I want and how I'll get there. But identifying as "WANTING TO BE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" is a lot like identifying as the Demon/Devil King of 6th Heaven

Fuck I forgot about the dashes

ANYWAY

-> I WANT TO BE FREE of this fucking mortal plane RAWR -- but yeah it can hurt to be trapped and confined by /rolls out an infinite list:
1) health
2) physics
3) gravity
4) society
5) God himself
6) every other demon king that wants to ascend and leave and be strong or just wants money and weird shit and thinks I am the way to get there

You have no limits. You want to be an attack helicoptor? Do it. I dare you. I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU. I wanna see that shit.

but yes; be careful of what you might do to make that come true. Try not to be so dumb as to literally graft robot pieces on yourself unnecessarily when you can just because an attack helicoptor pilot; it's easier and provides you with more opportunities, not less. (which is not a 1 for 1 analogy to trans in anyway because a coptor is not a human body.)

Excuse me, what the fuck

kopperhed you might have to narrow it down a little

She knows what she did

I love you <3333333333333333333333333

Rude

# succubus