and started last night

status update: got my shit kicked in, stole my dad's axe from kunesh for kicking my shit in, went to jail, the jail burned down and I died

game over

that's actually not true I did it right the second time. including but not limited to throwing manure at a guy's house. then dad yelled at me while we made a sword

I also, for what it's worth, successfully stole the axe this time. fuck you kunesh

I have like an irl beef with kunesh now

I will say, kunesh aside, I'm really enjoying it so far. it's very My Shit

hopefully I will get better at fighting

fiery jail death club

the only way for Henry to get better at things is actual in-game practice, which also makes you better, it's kind of genius as a system

this is one of those where you have to actually be good at video games, isn’t it 

i remember starting the first one and also getting my shit extremely kicked in

it wanted me to understand stats.....

I actually think kcd is a rare weird outlier where you don't have to be good at games (like it helps but), you just have to be willing to work to get better. Being good at games is going to give you advantage, but you can definitely studiously grind your way to being a killing machine regardless.

Wild concept tbh. Feels like absolute dogshit for the first 30 hours (positive).

whiskeytango: noted! thank you for the perspective, it gives me a flame of hope haha

I believe in you!!! Go forth and get your ass kicked.

yeahhh!!!! im glad you're here too

and yes it's absolutely a work ethic game lol

slash lateral thinking game

love that

back into Bohemia I go

oh no my parents

I gotta say there are ways this game looks dated but the mocap is really fucking good

the learning curve is real but I’m enjoying it

holy shit let this kid sit down

Robard is my dad now

coming on a little strong there steph

the mocap and (most of) the voice acting really make up for the awkward mannequin faces

Tom McKay is just so good

I successfully booked it from the castle but only after savescumming myself out of a second jail time

I can’t live with robard being mad at me

also I’m sorry to say I’m definitely not above looting my dead neighbors

boy peshek’s a real piece of work isn’t he

some extremely good guys in this game

I didn’t like Radzig but now I love him. and I just met Hans and am already like yeah, that one

that one’s for me

I’m so glad I didn’t do any grave robbing or pickpocketing before becoming a squire

I did however just get fined for standing in front of the castle too long while typing that

HAHAHA

Oops

I just spent like a hundred years looking for the fucking bell to ring and it was on a PILLAR and now I have to close down the tavern and these guys are DICKS

Hal hasn’t slept since 2am the previous night because the miller kicked him out and he’s been training all day and I feel his pain so profoundly

the number of times I’ve had to clean myself up today

Henry is extremely good at getting dirt all over himself just by walking

like he's eating fistfuls of soil as he moseys down the street

it still says it’s my bed at the mill

timidly just like can... can I go to sleep now

bro whaaaat is your PROBLEM

I snuck into the inn and slept illicitly

...ok I think I’ve been trying to sleep in the miller’s bed. whatever

I unironically love this bad time simulator

my name is Henry and my life is hard and I have so many feelings

bedtime now but I was telling tango this yesterday: I compare this experience favorably to Skyrim, which was my first ever solo rpg on any console, and kcd is bringing me back to that feeling of exploration mixed with absolute brainless incompetence

I have no idea what I’m doing or where to go and everything is multiple layers removed from obvious and it’s so fucking funny and good. I’m so cheerful after every time I play. I don’t know shit, let’s see what happens tomorrow

oh but of course the distinction here is I’m trying to be a good boy and can’t just be a fuckface garbage cat indefinitely

pebbles!!!!!!

Pebbles!!!

screenshots of things I said to tango last night

so I don't have to tyepe them again

tyeepy

I went and scouted the camp for radzig but kept getting runnoft by guards so I went back and reported and he was like 'how many' and my educated guess is 'idk a lot probably'

I'm sure the raid will go fine

"are there archers" "m.. maybe"

I was also advised to get the DLC so I bought the multipack last night and will acquire Mutt when I play this evening

I don't care if he howls all the time because I am absolutely turbo dogshit at stealth anyway. and I'm a good boy. Henry has a strong moral c--remembers first screencap

I have died one thousand times in this raid on the bandit camp

man I think I gotta savescum this and go back to before the raid

I can’t kill this guy

puppy dog acquired

the bandit camps take awhile, but you'll get there

oh wait this is baptism of fire, damn cami, you're moving so much faster and/or differently than me

soon i'm going to have to stop reading this plurk

No I had to jump back from it

that was my brick wall too

i was like, oh, ok. it's serious now. time to train, Henry!!

you can kind of get by on luck and running away until then

yeah exactly

Interesting! I didn't do it that way but I guess that makes sense that you can get away with it for that long

I’m father Godwin’s #1 fan and I don’t care who knows it

saying HEY GIIIIRL aloud when I see him with a little quest indicator

he's pretty great

Lord Hanush got so mad at me bc I was like I found the heretics! and I told them to go away!! but the vicar chased them so he's gone

"what is a heretic really" he's like WHAT THE FUCK HENRY

"aren't we all just children of god--" NO

Godwin somewhere in the bg like ATTABOY

Being purple in the face with rage+exasperation hanush's default setting

oh godwin is my best friend he was like hell yeah brother

we fistbumped as I left for rattay

you couldn't see it but it happened

I lost an hour or so of gameplay the other night because I killed someone who was apparently not a Cuman and got turbo arrested. I had done so much too, come on guys

then I had tos tay in jail for seven days and I missed the execution I was trying to sabotage, and my dog left, and I went 'fuck this' irl and savescummed

moral of the story is, be sure the guy you're killing is a cuman or a bandit

my new best friend is Hermann the Executioner. I like that he looks like Steve Zahn and also a little bit our landlord from the Woodinville house

just a sweet guy whose job is killing people

I did an amazing job helping him out once I was able to do it

stray observation, I love that you can see Hans' horse parked around town and go check on him. what're you up to Hansy

Love the Hermann side quest, weirdest love story

I wish it were possible to make this game just like 30% easier, or at least to be able to save whenever I want because I'm very bad at it and I don't have the patience or time to spend hours grinding until I personally the player learn to be marginally less bad at stuff

but everything else about it is so appealing

it's so satisfying when you become a murder machine though

Im not sure it would be as fun without the work put in but I may be a sicko (yes)

yeah I'm a sicko also and I can only play for like two hours at a time lol

but I sympathize, the learning curve is really steep

it IS really satisfying when you start getting good though

Highly rec this saviors schnapps recipe scum to just make a million saves. I THINK, but I may be misremembering, that you can coat food items with it instead of carrying them around. So like if you get the lightest food item you can and mix them, you can basically carry around infinite saves for little inventory space.

From the kingdomcome community on Reddit

(but also there's save and quit in the main menu which I lazily used to save whenever I wanted all the time. Saving system is absolutely the most annoying part let me turn it off!!!!)

oh that's great

also Theresa will give you savior schnapps when you run out but I did not know this tip about food

me talking to Theresa at every opportunity

my girl...

you can also apply potions to a stack of drinking water (5 max) to basically turn them into a little stack of potions

iirc someone from reddit said they always spike their garlic as well since it doesn't expire, has -0.5 food value and weighs nothing

my henry lives off dried meat and other people's stew pots

feed him garlic and onions for the true slav experience

and cabbage. so much cabbage. they'll smell him coming

lolol

they already do because he gets a buff from sleeping on the ground

I'm saving up to buy the lethean water recipe because I need to undo that. let my boy sleep in a hotel

oh my god I did it, I got bandit guy

it only took one million tries

I went investigating for a poacher guy and as many things do it went completely tits up from the outset

but significantly I had to reload several times because I got pretty far but then lost the guy and failed the quest. and every time it brought me back to a manual save with guards fighting bandits and every time it escalated

to the point where this last time it was guards fighting bandits fighting cumans and every single non-Henry combatant perished

commemorative mutt portrait

I just. Finished fighting and was like everyone? everyone?

and it reminded me of how I’d let the Venatori fight giants in DAI. just stand there and watch. letthemfight.gif

anyway I still failed the quest bc I had like half a second to see which way he went and there was no tracker and I decided I don’t care. fuck off huntsman Nicholas it’s your problem now

the irony of them being like omg people are poaching and that’s illegal??? and I’m like wow yeah that’s crazy anyway wanna buy some fresh venison, I got it off the back of a truck

and they just. do. goty

I’m galloping blindly through the woods after a dude I can’t track and Chris is like sorry, what about this is enjoyable for you and I’m like god forbid women have hobbies

10/10 lmfaooo

what about it ISN'T enjoyable

someone replacing pebbles with a different horse is on the same level to me as someone sincerely and unironically siding with Meredith in DA2

also JOHANKA I DONT KNOW ABOUT THIS

so far so good with johanka being a prophet but also Adela’s shitty customer and his friends keep killing me

I guess that’s tomorrow’s problem

I wish I could do the Fromsoft thing where I find someone to come fight them with me. Or what if I could make Henry’s ghost double

I went on the pilgrimage bc my bestie is in with the virgin Mary herself and she said so, but mostly bc I got to see my other bestie at the end

unfortunately instructions were unclear and I fucked up praying at the shrines. o well

I stayed up too late doing this but it was worth it to see my boy godwin

alas poor johanka

I told her it was a bad idea man

anyway now I’m in Monastic Life Simulator and enjoying it more than I have any right to

isn't it great?? what a curveball

I’m going to marry Antonius

honestly losing my shit at just like yeah. you’re gonna stand here for two hours. check your schedule you’re gonna go eat after this. then free time. and I’m like ok

sometimes you have to progress a video game story at the actual pace of a Benedictine monk. don’t worry about it

that the devs leaned so hard into the immersion of this is so fucking funny and has 200% of my respect

also I’m going to marry Antonius despite how the previous meal went and what he said afterwards. in fact that’s actually why I’m marrying Antonius

I love the monastery so much

I escaped the monastery and now pious and Henry are getting married

from the bottom of my heart, fuck archery

My lol

forgot to mention I finished the main storyline last week but am off to do some dlcs now. band o bastards + building up pribyslavitz until i get tired of it

also all my special dice went missing from my inventory. and my bandages?? what the fuck man

who did this

obligatory “kuno doesn’t fucking care”

Extremely obligatory.

I got so mad at the last band of bastards battle and the expenses of pribyslavitz that I ragequit off into the sunset with Hans, which I think is actually really thematically appropriate

for my experience of this game

which has been kind of a Stockholm syndrome

anyway I loved it and will play the second after expedition 33 bc I promised Chris

"kind of a stockholm syndrome" is such an accurate take

Chris literally asking me if I’m a hostage irl to this video game and I’m like I guess. Kind of. But I’m enjoying it??

I think????

If this isn’t enjoyment, what is