it's 1 1/2 to 2 weeks until my next period, so of course my hormones increase my damn depression

I am sitting here, ready to cry because I am so damn overwhelmed with everything

work is draining me and taking everything out of me, even though I am not even back to full time yet (that's supposed to be next week), plus the drive back home is stressful, 45 minutes through one of the most populated cities in my country

my bank account is drained, and there are still bills to be paid, which didn't go through this month because my bank account was already in the red

my gf had to take out a loan to balance out bank accounts, and it's still not enough

I am overwhelmed by stuff that I need to do and at the same time under and overstimulated

like .. I haven't been alone since Wednesday afternoon.
I am an introvert, I get energy from being alone.
but my gf has the next three weeks off, so even when I get home from work, I will not be alone, and as much as I love my gf, I need that alone time

my rp inbox is overflowing and I feel bad for not replying to people quickly enough, and at the same time I see people replying to others but not to me, and that nasty voice of "it's cause they prefer others/you're not good enough in their eyes" keeps piping up, even though I am also cherry picking atm cause I can't handle the more intense/longer threads rn

which doesn't mean that I don't love the longer ones, in the contrary, I just don't have the energy rn to reply to them on a level that I feel would be worthy for then

*them

and while my brain objectively knows that it could be something like this, it still prefers to tell me that I am shitty at rp

and I know it will all be gone in a week and be back in four, and I hate this cycle and HOW IT KEEPS MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SHIT

Damn body, damn brain, get a grip and work properly without making it even more difficult, pls

Oh. Oh this is a big mood. Yes I know this feel and I get it.

craftyviking: it sucks so much.
like, the rational part in me is yelling that it's bs, but I still feel like shit because of all of this

hope you're doing better at least

Yep. And then I at least also feel like shit because I feel guilty about feeling like it and on and on it goes

Brains were a mistake

Bodies were a mistake

yeah ... I mean, our whole bodies were, but brains especially are just the worst thing ever

LOL

well, one braincell between us at least

I already give my brain the good chemical substitute, I drink the liquid stuff, I went to sit in the bright shiny thing today ... why the fuck isn't it doing it's job?

I know it is not the same, but could you go to a libarary or a park or something for a couple of hours of alone time?

My extroverted ass isn't the best at offering suggestions

Oh the liquid stuff, I should have some of that. I have only had bean water today

the weather is getting bad here, so no park, and unfortunately libraries here aren't the quiet places they like to show in movies (and not as easily accessible, because of opening hours of doom)

craftyviking: hot brown morning potion is no substitute for the liquid stuff, unfortunately

That sucks. But I get it. One of the reasons Spouse and I got a house when we did was because one room apartment during the panini was a bit much.

We were never more than 5 m apart for a year.

So we decided we needed to be able to have multiple doors between us.

oh yeah, I feel this

technically I got three rooms in my apartment, but one is full of stuff, so basically storage and can't really be used because there is no space, one is the living room, with of course the laptops, desks, tables and tv, and one is the bedroom

means I'll have to pull back into the bedroom after work, and sit on the bed with my laptop to hopefully do some replies

Yeah it seems like it would be super fair to ask your gf for some alone time. I know it can be really easy to default to the assumption you’ll be together if you’re both off but if you need to recharge then you need that

Snowishness: yeah, I mean, she's off of work for three weeks now, while I still gotta work, except for the one week we'll be in Paris for Japan Expo, which .. isn't really a vacation, but Europe's biggest anime con, so also super stressful, lol

so yeah, I def need that breather in the evening

Definitely enough time to be worth working out some boundaries and expectations and hopefully get you some alone time.

I get really dark/depressed the week before my period, so I understand. I think alone time is important, but I also get lonely and overwhelmed by everything. i know you go to a lot of cons, but is there a time where you can like have down time?

I so feel you on the alone time. My bf has been full time work from home since the beginning of the pandemic and that effectively put an end to my regularly scheduled alone time. Then his mother moved in with us. It got so bad we started gifting each other alone time.

prettyapathetic: oh wow, that sounds horrible! I hope you can get some every now and then though?

my gf is so cute, she just brought me a tray with dinner into the bedroom, saying i need my alone time, but I also need dinner ... I love her, and I don't deserve her!

We definitely try to give each other alone time, but it’s quite rare.

I can only imagine .. that would be my absolute nightmare, tbh

I feel better after some alone time, now I only need to make the voices shut up that keep telling me that other people always prioritise others over me
be better, brain

My brain also turns into a raincloud sometimes. I totally get it. I'm glad you're trying to fight those

narratives: