"Every animal on Earth likes being touched by humans" okay well we're starting from a deeply flawed premise, because no, many of them really do not.

Pretty sure that's just the human pack-bond-all-the-things feature projected onto everything else

we are definitely uncommonly, if not uniquely, omni-social

Yes, the amount of videos showing people trying to pet buffalo proves that

But there are more examples of people managing to make odd friends too, even though it's hard to weed out the times it's just people projecting human traits onto animals where there is none