I swear I'm still alive I'm just bad at posting things.

my mother because her friends all go on these cruises and because they watch a lot of Masterpiece Theater really wants to do a Viking Riverboat cruise.

and my dad said his knee is too bad he's not doing this he's not going to go to Europe and have to fly in an airplane all day long and then go walk places

so this left me as the only child who could do this and not get into a fight with my mother by day three.

so I agreed to do this next year and then last December she just said I just decided to go ahead and schedule it for this summer.

and I'm having to pay my way for this so I'm not having a free trip.

so it looks like a good cruise but also I'm spending over $3,000 I had better have 9 very good days

fingers crossed for a good cruise!!!

it should be!

we're going down the Rhine River from Switzerland through Germany strassburg France and the netherlands.

the thing that worries me is we paid extra money for two days in Basel and one of those days is the day we arrive and I'm sorry I don't count that as an extra day.

because you know we arrive in the airport at like 11:00 a.m. and then we have to get to our hotel so we're not getting anywhere until like 2:00 in the afternoon and we are going to be jet lagged and sleepy babies

the next day is completely free and then the day after that we get on the boat. so we can't go anywhere or do anything the day we get on the boat cuz we just have to go get on the boat.

and then at the end of the cruise my flight out is from Amsterdam at 9:00 in the morning. so I'm just going to wake up in Amsterdam and be shoved into a bus to get me to the airport

my wretched gremlin

I have been playing an unhealthy amount of like a dragon infinite wealth

I love your wretched grmlin

It's 8000 degrees here and about half the time we don't go on walks we just kinda sit on the porch and pant.

My mother has invited me to a Facebook group of people who are going on Viking River Cruises and it's just

Boomers Who Need a FAQ

"Someone said to bring magnetic hooks where do I get those"

"What do I need to plug in my CPAP machine?"

"Can I wear jeans to dinner?"

"Are there any hotels in Rome that don't cost hundreds of dollars?"

I'm just... half of these questions are answered on the website and the other half are... I don't know, look at a website to buy hooks or hotels.

You may be surprised to discover that one of Europe's Most Popular Tourist Destinations is expensive in the summer.

I had a 90 minute phonecall with my mom about what she's packed.

And I'm like "bring light clothing, a pocket umbrella, some granola bars, a bottle for water, shoes that are comfortable to walk in..."

Meanwhile her approach seems to be "but what about these magnetic hooks I'm hearing about"

We agreed weeks ago that because my cellphone plan will let me add international calling for 10 days (the length of our entire trip) for just $20 that I'll do that and she won't have to pay for her much more expensive phone plan add-on.

And then she told me that she decided to do it anyway.

So she's paying $45 to have phone access in THREE out of the four countries because she forgot about one of them.

Don't get lost in France, I guess.

If she wanted to add in France it'd be $60.

Which is why she wasn't going to do it.

She wants to go out and get lunch in Places and I'm fine with that but I've told her that my menu-reading skills are going to be limited to the ONE day we have in France.

Lotta Google Translate for photos of menus written in German in my future.

(All meals are included but you have to go back to the boat for the meal which, tbh, seems lame, because the boats have to dock in ports that often require a shuttle to get to)

(So going out for a 9am walking tour to be hustled back into a shuttle at 11:30 to get lunch feels counterproductive for doing anything else in the cities we're staying in).