art by surfi of course. the goat. alas i cannot have googleable memes for my ocs

staring at bingo like i want threads i wanna thread but (((exhaustion)))

or at least just like (((still in the beginning of fallout)))

postgame tl anyway i'll look at bingo after i've done some cleaning and figure out if i'm strong enough for it

or if anyone wants scarlet in bingo i can touch

sobbing that it's bingo already. the game JUST happened didn't it (it's been a whole week of capitalism)

moonfell: I MEAN FOR RP FALLOUT TIME. KIND OF YEAH

ITS BEEN LIKE AN IC DAY

nts also to talk about scarlet and sacrifice game a little but i dont really have all THAT much to say that i haven't i think

no I want to hear it thanks

well fortunately i only have like 2.5 things to talk about and thats

- the sex drive thing
- aloe
- satin

i wanna hear too

finished ... some cleaning...............

okay some brief babbling

first: the sex drive thing. so this was actually a 2 point sacrifice for her because she IS a very sexual person and derives a lot of like. worth from her ability to do this/what she can provide others which IS why lately shed been kind of struggling socially. it was less of an issue when she was on shore/doing her mob jobs because she was not in close

quarters with the same people consistently so the ability to be 1. a good lay and 2. affectionate and enjoyable for people to be around/sleep with was more satisfying as a marker of Being Good At Social Stuff/Being Friends (she did not consider anyone her friends before boat beyond like, Cade, Lith, and Aloe/Eriks pre-their leaving mob. Vincent was "kinda")

but now that she is like. having to be around people and be a real person and interacting with them on deeper levelswhich she DOES want to be clear it is becoming steadily more obvious that she has a kind of deranged view on love/sex/affection/romance. she is only just recently realizing this kind of

plurk please

anyway giving up her sex drive was a meme option but also a very real struggle for her even if she's NOT getting laid regularly anymore because it IS a measure of her self-worth. she is still openly flirting with people, she's still being friendly and affectionate (as allowed) but i've described her tone/behavior in tags as "listless" and that's pretty

much where she's at

75% of flirting is Just For Fun and Joking but there's still always some very slight intent behind it because that's just who scarlet is as a person: always open to the possibility

What she IS learning from this though is that her desire for affection/physical comfort is not actually inherently sexual. this was like a lizard brain/backburner thing she had sort of realized but never really examined very closely

but now she kinda has to because the veneer of horny has disappeared and she DOES still want to touch people and lean on them and cuddle with them and be held and pet and whatever. and like she did kind of realize this during bartender too but now it's just sort of driving it home

the issue remaining: asking people for this without seeming pitiable or desperate especially when the people you want to ask the most for it are people who deliberately friendzoned you very recently. oops

uhhhhh aloe. next. there's not entirely much to say here i think re: her decision to give up aloe memories but it's kind of a combination of things

1. it's temporary, so if she's really miserable about it later she has learned a valuable lesson
2. she's still deeply embarrassed about misunderstanding his intent during bartender and she's tired of spiraling about it
3. she's feeling a little spiteful about 2
4. literally just need a vacation from worrying about things and she worries about aloe a lot

she loves him. thats her best friend.she just wants to take a break for like 24 hours. unfortunately this is causing some issues in like uhhhh he makes up like 80% of her childhood/past and the few good things in that life so there's tons of weird blank spaces she doesn't know how to deal with (and won't! shes not gonna!!

)

eriks still existing in her memories helps a lot bc they were often all together but it's just weirdly disorienting and fuzzy

she'll be once again very embarrassed by it once her memories return though.

satin................ the gist of this is they both felt very strongly about the sacrifice thing (namely the 7pt one) and both misunderstood and got upset with each other as a result

satin did not want her to do it! he both used his desire for her not to take such a risk + also the idea that sun sign as a whole would be unlikely to take that risk in general. she eventually conceded to this even though she DID want to take it

both because she wanted to know but also and more importantly to spare satin having to give up anything himself

there's a couple of things of note here

relevant to sex drive also. just funny

re: satin and the extremes he would go to, if necessary

the intent here was likely to demonstrate what that possibility WOULD look like, had they been forced to do so. however

scarlet, unfortunately, took it directly as "here is a demonstration of what i would give up, as an extreme. i am showing you that i have thought about it, and having thought about it, am also showing you that i deliberately will not do that, despite what i say"

and she does feel bad for thinking this, and understands immediately it is extremely unreasonable of her to think this, but as a person kind of desperate for someone to openly have that kind of devotion to her (another unreasonable point of jealousy @ aloe's whole thing she feels bad about, really) it felt like a slap in the face

come to endgame to find that satin was both wrong about sun sign as a while (most of them took the 7pt option) AND that his own sacrifice did not actually match hers any longer (she thinks, incorrectly, he gave up his humanity entirely and not just Human Form)

whole*

she was. annoyed to say the least

she was kind of willing to let it go and move on though but satin's demeanor being mostly short and blunt got to her a bit and she took it as an attack not realizing he's just Like This this way. but also because he was still insistent that everyone who denied her the choice to pick 7pt option was correct and he was happy about it

so they started arguing,

and her immediate thought to this was "oh, so it was never concern for me at all"

unfortunately this all came together at once and she got mean about it

he gives up at this point which she got even MORE mad about because- what was there to concede, except that she was correct?

and then she went out to sulk in the snow because she's really upset about it

ok thats everything i think.

so the current status of scarlet is:
- really wants a hug
- people keep mentioning aloe but who tf is aloe??
- satin HATES ME

also the idea that sun sign as a whole would be unlikely to take that risk in general

SATIN WHEN HE LIES

anyway it's going to be funny for Minuet to poke and prod at this with the benefit of emotional distance from it and then Aloe comes back later like tails.gif

That reminds me, the conversation with Aloe has made Cade go ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh on Red's recent insecurities so we need a thread where he noodly attempts to cuddle her

SPOON CADE WHILE U CAN

moonfell: please

YourOverlord: yeah she will want to cuddle So Bad

i mean she always does but like. especially now

moonfell: also to be fair to satin she believed him specifically because her first game with them they choose to avoid harming anyone at all so sh6e like

considered it a similar extension of this

YourOverlord: also do u mean his endgame thread w/ minuet or did he talk to aloe elsewhere. link if so

Endgame thread!!

oh ok

But yeah, I'll hit your inbox

pls

i'll touch bingo probably... soon

Bingo is all week. I'm going gentle with it

card

and bingo tl

Satin truly did believe that Sun Sign would be sensible
he's so disappointed right now.

rip

The interesting thing about his sacrifice is that, to him, sacrificing his thesis is pretty much the equivalent of giving up his identity as "satin"

just in a way where he's the only one who get hits with repercussions (versus, like, erasing the nom de plume or his Sun Sign identity, which he'd see as hitting his CR unfairly)

But Scarlet (through no fault of her own) doesn't have the context or the knowledge of him to realize that's what it was

and also has the weight of her paranoia twisting and downplaying even his attempt to explain what it meant to him

This is what happens when we're not all in the same room (specifically with gingham) to make us all check each other

So that added another layer to his
well there's literally nothing I can do or say that gets through to her on this.

It's a beautiful mess

SPECIFICALLY WITH GINGHAM

SPECIFICALLY WITH GINGHAM

gingham may be the spiders georg of emotional intelligence on ss

crying

warmblankets: yeah she genuinely cannot comprehend a thesis being That Important to someone. as a college grad herself

or that it's like. identity related

sweating looking at every tag i posted last night while struggling to stay awake to enter them not knowing what the FUCK i typed

okay they don't look too bad. but jesus christ

coming back to this in the wake of cr memes as well but valencia vs the perception of Being Controlled

or rather scarlet

as a standard across the board valencias in cult situations (all of them) are generally given some amount of freedom as adults because they are, generally, Extremely Well Trained killing machines. they do not really question and they do not disobey until they reach a breaking point and have proven themselves in this way enough to be trusted with some measure

of freedom. standard valencia lambe, ttrpg character, is actually the one in the least awful of these situations due to her parents actually love her and her purpose is slightly different from the others. hsr val isn't a Real Girl and LL lycoris is also basically just raised as a machine

lycoris/moretta/scarlet is the first val to fully break away from this in any sort of game/etc situation and the first to start dealing with the consequences following

three things generally keep valencia in check:
1. love for her parents/the person giving the order in question
2. general respect for authority and knowing her "place"
3. her personal morality/stubbornness

SATIN... falls under both 1 and 2 in that she cares deeply about him AND she respects him as an authority in sun sign, so she takes what he says to heart even if it clashes with what she thinks she can do/is capable of

he is never actually giving her "commands" as such but it's come up multiple times that when he gives certain kinds of advice she feels backed into a corner about it, freshly out of the dynamic with her parents/the mob and struggling with the concept of like. freedom to make her own choices more than she does

satin has a very secure idea of what it means to be a sun sign and how to move on and become a different person after you've abandoned a previous identity and often when he is telling her this she's internalizing it as "you Have to do it like this or you won't be doing it Correctly." this is NOT what he's saying but he's so confident in his own view she just

accepts it as fact. fact that she is never going to be able to meet this metric and will inevitably fail and. actually. maybe she should have never left the cordionna at all.

^this is not a FREQUENT thought but it has crossed her mind... a couple of times, in the way abused people cycle back to their abusers. she is not immune to these thoughts but fortunately her desire not to waste aloe and vincent's good faith and help weighs more heavily than her desire to be "perfect" to someone again (she was never perfect)

(but being a perfect killing machine is both reasonable and possible to achieve, surely)

she did talk about this to brocade, briefly, who essentially told her the direct opposite-- that she doesn't have to completely abandon who she used to be to move on. that he keeps his fighting gloves safely tucked away, but still present in his life, and that it's not something he can just toss even if he did keep moving forward. and it did help

but more and more she finds herself chafing under the idea there's only one way to do things directly opposite to what she thinks is possible for her to achieve, or something she perceives to be what someone else wants for her

... so hitting this ceiling of "oh, so it's what YOU want" with satin is what twisted everything around into her accusing him of manipulating her feelings for him to get what he wanted. it wasn't about the sacrifice at that point

she does know she's being unreasonable, probably.

anyway i love messy cr. valencias are always so messy all the time and im sorry to everyone who has to deal with it

scarlet is somehow probably my least messy valencia. honestly. mostly in that she doesn't hold grudges quite as long

(as long)

scarlet's capacity for grudgewanking is long but you have to really, really fuck with her shit for her to maintain it

valencia however will literally hold onto something for years

I THINK. the difference between them all is that scarlet was not raised to kill for reasons of passion/fanaticism/zealotry the way valencias generally are

or at least not to the same extent.

But yeah, the thing is Sun Sign's real truth is that if you have 9 SSs in a room, you have 9 different meanings of what it is to be Sun Sign

yeah she has not come to this conclusion yet because she's still so new she's like. sure i'm legally part of sun sign but am i ACTUALLY sun sign

she did change a little bit of her wardrobe. got a single star stud earring just for some sort of more obvious signifier. still has her old shoes so nothing new just yet which she is Aware of being a bit of a sun sign taboo but hasn't yet attempted to fix

thinking about star tattoos constantly but does not believe she is Allowed to yet since that's supposed to be significant life changes WHILE in sun sign right...!!!

anyway she does need to learn more about. other sun signs

CUTE

i do want her to get. tattoo. very badly

i think her starting to cover up the lycoris tattoo would be huge for her

Ooo

thinking on it not cover up but. add to it

god i never thought about clothes and stars for canvas... maybe her headband has a star design instead of being dead girlfriend symbolism

stars cute

anyway i should hit scarlet up again. do you need someone to hold your hand

surely her headband can be BOTH

apocalypsebird: i put her in the most recent dark mingle if you wanna get scared by cat eyes in the darkness

nocturnal catgirl jumpscare

truly a cat scare. we come full circle

also talk fashion with me ive been prowling pinterest for sunsign-esque stuff lately if canvas would wear anything similar

ishmael has like exactly one reference for how she dresses when not in a company uniform and it's

lets talk practical but cute,

oh she dresses similarly to canon valencias then

dark mingle toplevel also

man they even wear similar color tones.

thats so funny

redheads in earthy greens and browns lets fucking go. sun sign Colors tho.............

patterns. colors. life is so hard

orange on orange on orange despair

i know we don't have to wear team colors but.

OH YEAH NO

i was just thinking of the sun sign clash aesthetic. big color patterns and stuff. scarlets managing with like. eonia-style basic clothes + sun sign patterns/overshirts/etc sort of situation

Celi is wrong and they should all look like fall-weather hikers

they can do that in leopard print parkas im sure

ishmael has like.... one or two IDs that wear red and looks good

even that has lots of black tho

you could also just say she's really bad at dressing appropriately for sun sign.

that would be. extremely funny

shit outfit. GREAT shoes though

polished. perfect

design aesthetic of a cirrus

crying

no i'll dig when i get home. theres gotta be something