everyday i think about how Yugamu is yearner supreme

there's smthn so fascinating in someone who's thought processes are so warped from trauma and upbringing they associate murder with love and yet manage to completely and utterly genuine about it

yugamu is a pervert who gets pleasure from almost everything immoral. yugamu is someone who values consent and honesty. yugamu wants to kill someone in a fit of mutual passionate bloodlust. yugamu wants to love and be loved so bad

he's never really known things like affection and companionship and has come to view his traumatic childhood of modification and being forced to kill in a way that left him mentally empty in a lens of 'well that happened but what can i do about it'

and despite it all he still manages to be a kind person at his core, even if he's guilty of deflection and a sort of emotional disconnect due to not being used to connection in the first place

he IS pragmatic. he would kill someone for being a dangerous variable that could put himself and other people in danger, and he often tilts towards the more realistic than empathetic options, even if he is capable of empathy

but i feel it's more he's never really had time for things like wide-eyed hope and naive optimism and would prefer what he thinks is the 'best' option in the long run.

steeping him in a jar with the rest of the SDU really is good for his mental health, since it actually puts him around other people his age who can act as some sort of influence and grounder that can drag his more human nature down to earth

even if he still is a freak

kg route where he makes graves for everyone in his room after carefully removing all their bombs nd chooses to sleep on the floor surrounded by the dead haunts me to this day since he's stated he feels more comfortable around them

kg really is good for his image although second scenario rly is right up there next to it. the connections he ends up having really shift him hard in a certain direction

speaking of second scenario everytime i listen to his stupid bond 6 where he says how he likes the idea of never having to kill again i want to put him in a blender on high speeds

he says this and yet during the final battle whips out the 'i want to be one to kill you all' line bc bro really does just have that shit in his dna

laying there dying and thinking about how quiet and peaceful he wants his next line to be...not having to ever take someones life again

the fact learning his life isn't real actually offered him some form of relief in addition to the despair when all was said and done....oh kodaka when i fucking get you

my boy who has been high-key to low-key suicidal his whole made-up life because he hates killing without love so bad that he was ready to let someone just straight up end him after doing it for so long

not necessarily seeking his death actively, but ready to embrace it when it comes because maybe he won't have the same urges and weight of lives on his shoulders he does in his life

as long as he's 'yugamu omokage', he'll always have something. even if he doesn't kill anymore, he'll still get excited by injuries, still love to tease and prod and fantasize about peeling someone like an orange and loving them for all they are. these are things that are intrinsically 'him', even if the memories are fake

but using certain routes to turn it on it's head and go down the complete opposite path (medical) because he'd like to save lives rather than take them gives him a very specific reason to live kills me. when you've spent your life staining your hands in people's blood unwillingly, so you want to make sure every stain from then on is from attempts to save

yugamu believes life has value, it's merely him turning it into extending it with everything he has rather than having it go out in a bang of gorey, glorious affection

but man. man. despite it all he's still just a man seeking passion and love

love from friends. love from someone willing to give themselves to him and take him for all he is. love from someone who understands him and accepts him. yugamu seeks connection, and love for him sure does seem to vary between the passionately romantic and the close platonic. he DID want to kill the whole sdu...

guy is not lying when he calls himself a hopeless romantic because he truly is earnest in his compliments and praise. the type of guy to wax poetic about your organs and send you flowers in the same day

i feel he's down with friends with benefits, as long as it's emphasis on the friends eventually. i also think he'd be completely devoted but wouldn't mind like. a polycule. this is absolutely not me thinking about how kg polycule rules my life don't worry about it

kg polycule where they need to TREAT YUGAMU BETTER bc wdym you had him running through the rain and mud in the night like some maiden bc you left without telling him. ugly takumi die

if yall dont give that desperate slut some affirmation rn

i will add to this later bcmythoughts r so scatteredi just got possessed by something fierce. goodnight

not sure if im going to play this game so reading all of this and

i wish makoto was more Normal about emotions, but he really isn't. it's not that he isn't capable, but he has a really hard time putting them into words. and a lot of them also scare him (things like, the more he cares about something, the more he wants to tear it apart and consume it, etc.), so it feels safer not to... but

i will force him to face his feelings... do not owrry

i believe yugamu deserves acceptance and affirmations ...

amazing life advice from a guy who jerks it to surgical videos probably

lycanthropic: I WISH TO SEE HIM FACE HIS FEELINGS...

opening my folder is dubious yugamu screenshots just to peruse them from time to time

the slurp is crazy. he needs to die

takumis internal dialogue of 'i CANNOT let this horny freak ruin this for me' is also equally good

yugamu like pleaseee just a little waterboarding just a few cuts here and there im really good i promise

yugamu out here valuing consent but the moment they hit prisoners of war it's like well why NOT indulge some dubious ethical conduct

taking him out into the wilderness bc your freak needs enrichment and letting him torture an invader for funsies

ygmu is normal it's just if you don't let him see an organ every few days he gets antsy

huge mood

altho i pretend slasher route yugamu doesnt exist for notable reasons

yugamu makoto handshake

if u dont see blood and guts every once in a while, ur frenzy meter just starts filling like crazy... that's just how it is

hitting the yugamu button again because the fact he's super into consent and the fact he's willing to absolutely slip someone experimental drugs or delve into brainwashing is like. my little bitch you are such a web of contradiction

but also i do like the idea his idea of consent is just a little skewed due to his upbringing. guy who knows he is probably fucked up and is willing to do things other people won't because it's necessary

he's self-aware on a certain level but because of his upbringing it's kind of just who he is

he can get better. he can also get worse! surrounding himself with other people who can at least be some sort of influence that isn't his parents modifying him to hell and back and forcing him to do things he hates is arguably the best way to try and lean him in a specific direction

i like the idea he's fully aware he has so many problems and partially why he's so desperate to see if someone can love him despite his flaws even if he knows it's probably unlikely

No Time For Sympathy, Sumino-Kun. We're At Fucking War

the self-awareness tying in with his urge to die and be reborn as somebody who's less Himself

got hit by a truck because of this thing that showed up on my tl hold on

every day second scenario grabs me by the throat

me sitting up in a cold sweat. yugamu willing to do the things other people aren't because it means he can carry that guilt himself (albeit he tries to be the voice of reason in certain circumstances). Doesn't like to kill outside of work and love, but would do it for people he cares about if he had to. love language

killing game sticks with me because him refusing to kill the untransformed invaders and trying to convince takumi to not do it so it wont stick on his conscience....then when he does just says they'll carry that burden together instead

he does seem to lean in diff directions a lot depending on route but that's the unfortunate truth of Different Writers....I have an idea set in my head but really i feel that's the thing with HL characters is they can vary depending on interpretation due to the routes mashing together

pictured is me crawling up the walls

i dont need to talk i just came across this and needed to share it again. something Deeply wrong with him on a molecular level

ygmu bullying

somebody hitting the genuine affection button with him out of nowhere would be fun bc i think he'd just explode. guy who is so Terminally Horny and out there but the moment someone like kisses his cheek he's like ????????????????????

wakes up in a cold sweat

yugamu being odd about being considered a child and treated as such because even in his fake ass memories he never really had a chance to be one, and he's not used to people looking at him and seeing an unfortunate kid instead of a hardened killer. bro has never had an actual good parental or adult figure in his life

technically none of them have, but yugamu doesn't even have any in his made up history

yugamu + darumi + shouma and the 'my parents fucking suck' circle

gripping my head and collapsing ughhh my mental damage

staring at my ceiling at 4:30 am when i remember kodaka said yugamu sees the slda girls as better friends moreso than they do him and i need to enter the iron maiden

anyway ive been thinking about yugamu's whole thing with body issues and consent for several days now and it's really fascinating to me how he's translated his own trauma into both a sense of sexuality and also his moral guidelines

he's gone his whole life pretty much having no bodily autonomy. his own parents have modified him against his will and then it turns out the scientists also did and created a fake image to blame it on, which was even WORSE because he was completely unaware of that one

like, what did you do to that boy. was he the lab guinea pig and they needed a backstory to cover for it and did they roadmap to make him a human pincushion

but anyway. his idea of consent is skewed as i've said in that he's absolutely willing to occasionally drug people against their will and manipulate if need be, and he has less qualms with invaders when he views them as nothing but monsters or enemies he doesn't need to 'connect' on a certain level so he can take out his urges and curiosities

but in other intimate (not necessarily sexual but also sexual) circumstances he has a firm hold on consent being key and finding a mutual acceptance. yugamu doesn't want anything forced. he wants something organic. he wants people to accept him willingly and dislikes the idea of stripping them of their autonomy like he's had done to himself

despite accepting what he's had done to himself, he still doesn't /like/ it because it was something he didn't get to choose, and so pursuing modification now by offering it to others is a way of him taking control of what's happened to him and turning it into something he can gain satisfaction/pleasure from as opposed to disgust

guy who is like well i might be traumatized so i might as well get something out of it (perversion)

fascinating specimen as a guy who is surprisingly chill through all the weird perverse death fetishization and organ kink and the uh. assassin instincts kicking in. but he would also get high with you in an unregulated home drug lab so who's losing

almost 5 am yugamu bender. alright goodnight

i feel circling back things to things i've discussed but to add on bc i am always Thinking.

if anybody is actually reading my insane ramblings then im sorry

oh manipulative ygmu you will always be famous

he hasn't had much opportunity yet to do so in rp but i wait for the moment he does get to pull out the emotional manipulation for his own ends just a little bit. as a treat

my ethical pervert who is not really that ethical. he makes an effort but by god he has problems and a very flaky sense of consent and morality

my feelings on slasher route are very a yugamu leaning into his 'bad' traits and not connecting enough to everyone to be able to stifle his impulses enough that he doesn't have to actively feed them in some way

but i feel he DOES struggle with restraining himself and as long as someone says 'ok' or he views it as better for everyone he does push these boundaries in sorter to keep himself in check

you can't really spend your whole life killing people and warping your life to revolve around romantic or sexual gratification from the act of killing/interacting with the human body and then just get over it by snapping your fingers

scaring or threatening people / asking someone to feed his desires for a bit just to keep himself sane is really the best way to keep himself in check. although i feel boredom (gets twitchy) is a lot different to him than being subjected to frequent gore and death without having any input on his end (contributing to bloodlust)

yugamu admitting to solomon he might actually hurt someone after trial 2 in TP after two weeks of murder and losing someone he liked and having to Fight just to get some of the lead out

yes he is a sexpest and a nice guy and a manipulator sometimes a babygirl is all of these things