And I do want to say sorry, but I don't really know what I could do differently when all I could do was either several layers of fawning, or withdrawing. However I do want to say that I have started living. I didn't know that life could be so full of emotions and colors. It's so bizarre for me to be out of my own shell, but dammit I'm living.
And it's so worth it.
I miss you all so much. I am probably a very different person than you all imagined, but it was also not all fake. I tried really hard to be as authentic, but I simply had to disown everything whenever it's being put into the outside world. I was merely fragments held together, trapped in my own hell, barely being a person.
Now I'm full and I know I am not alone.
And forgive my selfishness, but I'll be living for myself and myself only.