there's a very strange feeling that I can't put a name too. that would be best described as "A month ago this would have left my lying broken and sobbing"

I'm not happy, or relieved, just. "Huh"

vague context, I had plans fall through with my friends, made me plans with a different friend, had that fall through almost immediately, and reached out to different friend only to find out that their not available

and I'm really fucking lonely right now

but. I'm not like. breaking down over it. being lonely is the kinda thing that gets to me sometimes and strangles me. (The benefit of being queer and stuck in the Florida suburbs in 2025. I am extremely isolated. I'm used to lonely)

I guess that's really getting to me is that yesterday I was full of despair

today. I am not

even though it feels like I should be

meds work I guess

still feeling detached and disconnected from the game (gp) I'm in. I really hope I don't burn out again. I want to want to be in this game

I dunno

just feeling low today. but better then yesterday

expedition 33 French accent: "Tomorrow comes"

finding out the character I want to play in a new game is already taking. another thing that would have once had me crashing out. now just a "well whaddya gonna do. that's life baby"

staring at wall

I don't miss crashing out. but damn do I feel pretty underwhelmed. it feels like I should be having reactions and I'm not. despite knowing objectively that not having a strong reaction is the appropriate mental state

I really should just smoke a bowl instead of dumping into a plurk