Like I know you're supposed to give grace, and trauma is damaging, and be patient but my mom is just straight up a different person after caring for my grandma and then my grandma's death.

And intellectually I understand why but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

She's like... she's become anxious and childlike and indecisive and just so so different from the passionate determined lady who won humanitarian awards and was an elementary school librarian.

Like i can't even have a conversation with her anymore it's so bad. I don't want to talk to her. Because that woman is not my mother. Which then makes me feel like an awful person but she's just... not!

And we never had a good relationship to begin with. And I guess now we never will

I dunno. It sucks shit.

It does suck, and I'm sorry. Especially since, like... it feels like there's no chance at ever having a good relationship now, because the person you knew is just kind of gone.

Yeah. it's like she already died and I'm mourning her while she's still here while also being fucking pissed at her.

🫂

Yeah, that's how it felt when my grandmother got dementia. I was mourning a person who was still alive, but it was like she'd died already.

And I was so mad at the person she became.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

It's miserable stuff, and there's not enough support available for this kind of grieving

mourning the living sucks. mourning the living while being pissed at them, whoooo boy, that sucks so much. (been there, done that, still recovering).

there is only so much grace one can give.

and I think it's okay to have that, "but who the hell are YOU" reaction