笑死

I have mixed reactions about divorce. pero baka ma bash Ako Dito wahahaha

Hmmm...might it help if I give you another perspective? It won't destroy marriages. It will only destroy the ones unions that have shaky foundations in the first place.

To add, it's needed by people like me, who were in abusive relationships. On the average, annulment is 250K, di pa kasama ang bayad sa psychologists. It will take 10 years pa to process after spending half a million on lawyer fees etc.

Annulment only makes it difficult for people like me to separate from their spouses. It's arduous and painful. I wouldn't want to wish this to anyone.

So for people with happy marriages, they won't need divorce. I know friends who are in a similar spot. Ones who were separated from their exes for a long time. Ang lungkot. Why can't they just make it easier for us?

I know I am too straightforward but I've convinced my pro-marriage friends when they found out about my situation.

No, VAWC is still not helpful. Even TROs. Our laws do not safeguard abused spouses. Filing a VAWC and TRO entails litigation pa rin, you get retrauamatized every time.

And the most dangerous time in a marriage is when you are leaving your abusive ex.

Anyway, it's just another perspective. I never thought I'd be in this spot actually. It's not something I want, but for my sanity and love for myself and my kids, I chose myself.

lihangin: thanks for speaking out your perspective.

jannaaika and thanks for reading mine.

I dont think dad and mum resenting each other just to be together is good for their children., divorce might not be for u, but it can be helfpul for others., coparenting is a thing and it works.

lihangin: im not married pero imho if di mo need ng divorce fine, if need then let others have it. Sanctity of marriage is important, pero mercy, justice and dignity rin naman are also important.

lihangin: agree with divorce if coming from an abusive spouse. violence is and will never be tolerated.

Yep that's true. It's going to destroy marriages and of course families. The very purpose of getting married is not to get divorced but to get each other to Heaven. If married couples cannot do that then that's the bigger problem. They do not know how to do it at all.

Don’t get married if one or both parties can’t commit. Don’t have kids either, they are the ones that suffer the most especially with broken families. I get it that not every marriage is a blissful marriage. Make annulment easier to do so that separation can be made possible if there’s really no saving the relationship.

lihangin: actually, I know of your perspective and others. I’m from a broken family too that has some violent tendencies but thankfully not to their children and the type of abuse that has cheating manipulation and lying. But in the end they just didn’t fight after my dad left. They stayed in their zone specially when me and my sibling told my father off.

About things that is wrong and for our own safety.

It’s not the marriage fault or no one is but it’s really difficult to put a stand to it bcuz of many variables. But passing divorce will only escalate a lot of things. It doesn’t really solve the problem. It just gives more weapon to the abuse.

There is a lot of diff process. No clear solution still. But divorce is not the answer.

aldwinj: what is it? No worries. This is Plurk. Where we can voice out our opinions and is respected for having one. If not , will kick it out... hehehe

And another age old question... why stay in that abusive space when you already realized your being abuse? For what reason?

Then there is that safety. That’s up to you to make it a safety no one will really make it for you. The police and respected organizations can only make it so much... but it will be you in the end.

Abuse in any shape or form will not be or supposed to be tolerated.

lychan, I guess then I am doomed to stay legally married to a man who does not even want to be a proper person.

So that’s what I told my catechism before when ask about it. But it seems no one really made a solution to the problem. But religion and government. Sadly....

*both

Divorce is the answer for people like me. I stayed in the abusive marriage because I didn't have support in the past, it was hard to take away my young kids. I tried to leave twice

"Don’t get married if one or both parties can’t commit. Don’t have kids either, they are the ones that suffer the most especially with broken families." This is a skewed POV. It's not black & white. On a personal level, people will never understand my situation until THEY are the one married to an abuser. His family also MADE it hard for me to leave.

My parents said, "Bakit mo siya pinili?" Actually, I didn't even know he was like that. There's no way knowing until you are living with your spouse under one roof.

lihangin: and there, also lies another problem. Often people doesn’t really care hence the no support system.

For me, that’s my perspective. I can’t really tell you about yours bcuz it’s yours a lot of people can help in some way even me. But then I don’t know what to help you first thing...

Yeah, but to say no to Divorce. This is why people like me are suffering. I won't apologize sa POV ko kasi it is not black & white. I am a Catholic, but no longer practicing. I think people who do not fully understand what it entails to leave a marriage shouldn't really speak much.

If you don't need it, you shouldn't be threatened by the existence of Divorce

Our laws do not safeguard women and children properly

To say bakit pa magpapakasal tapos kakalas? It's not black & white, it's not child's play. I stayed in that marriage for 19 years. Tried to hold on even if I wanted to kill myself countless of times. So yeah. I can't change your mind. Hindi siya gagamitin para mangabet or anything. Tbh, this is why PH sucks. Because abused spouses continue to be married with

Marami magical na bagay2. Hindi mo di masasabi. Anu or ewan.

Actually we are all threaten by it. Kht ako na no need for it. Bcuz I have family too.

Yes. That’s been long discussed our laws. Kelan ba!??

their abusers. It's also one way of saying, yeah, nagpakasal ka. Magdusa ka. Stay in that marriage

Anyways I can't change your mind. But like I told my bff. Those who are HAPPILY MARRIED shouldn't STOP/IMPEDE PEOPLE like me to get a divorce. I say this because napaka-selfish lang talaga ng stance ng mga tao.

Oo, no worries I may not understand it in a sense that you do but I know of it. Kaya nga mahigpit ung mga elders natin abt this.

Disappointing, pero napaka-backwards pa rin ng bansang 'to. Anyways, how sad. Guess I deserve to stay fucking married then,

^anyways that's emotions showing kasi fresh na fresh pa. It's not a pleasant experience. I never dreamt of separating. It wasn't my intention. But here I am.

You don’t need to care about our opinions not everyone will be same as you but that’s life. Yours and mine and theirs aren’t the same. We are all Catholics after all and that’s one of the things that no a good thing...

So I think in this time... what I can tell you is good do what you feel is right specially for yourself and next your children.

lihangin: opo. I feel it too. So thank you and more power and strength to you. Be strong proud po. Be resilient. The answer will come to you in the most right way. Hopefully you still pray po.

lihangin: I know it’s not black and white but based on what I’ve seen on my own family so far, staying single and not committing is the best thing. Why stay married in a loveless marriage? Or why start a collection of first-born children leaving a generation of single mothers behind who will have kids with future daddy issues coz daddy wasn’t there?

It will never be black and white but right and wrong is final. Stay in the choice that is best.

So maybe the immediate solution is the pass a law that will punish the abuser immediately after proven guilty. No exceptions. Make it a swift one will less paperwork.

To pass a law* (pangit itong keyboard ko, hahaha)

lihangin: That’s the problem, you never truly know someone 100% no matter how much you think you know. More times that usual it will always be too late to know and you’re already on that ship with that said person. Nobody deserves to be treated like shit.

My mom is in one situation you’re talking about, not physical abuse but verbal abuse and it hurts more whenever she cries out to me and I can’t do shit. No matter how hard I hope and pray, that day won’t ever come. She had her chance before but she didn’t take it. She was more worried about what other people more than her own feelings. lihangin:

lychan: passing a law may be good on paper but can we really regulate human emotions and relationships? I say it is possible but given how slow the system here is, the further the damage is.

lychan: meanwhile I’m typing on my phone and it’s all over the place, hirap din ng maliit ang screen =_=

lihangin: You're not doomed. Prayer is the best solution to everything. Look up St. Monica and her son St. Augustine. Or if you want someone na kawawa sa asawa meron din naman. Look up St. Rita of Cascia and kung ano mga ginawa niya. Meron pang ibang santo to read on for inspiration.

You are not alone in your marriage battle. God and His saints are here for you.

Christian communities are also available to all even for those who have marriage problems. For example, join kayo sa Couples For Christ as a start.

For everyone, share ko lang 'to baka makatulong.


Full details here:The Theology of the Body: What's Love Got To Do with...

lesenfanteribles: hahaha, so true. As long as those laws are established then it will be easy to actually implement it. But as you know of our crab mentality and slow response. That kind of task force should be present in every city or municipality all over the ph. So response is fast and easy.

lihangin: so I hope you take further steps towards a kind of freedom that you crave. Just pray, it will come.

lesenfanteribles divorce will hopefully speed it up vs 10 YEARS of processing Annulment. 10 years. You've spent 400-500K pesos already. Lots of court appearances, retraumatization, dealing with abusive and manipulative exes. Goodness. Ewan ko na lang.

I will reiterate this. Unless you are in my situation, you will never understand. Ganyan una yung friends ko. God, I tried to save this marriage. But that is 19 years and I lost count of the times I wanted to kill myself. Lol. Kaya Idk why this is even a source of debate.

Divorce is generally beneficial

Annulment = 10 years (500K+++), the poor and the average Juan cannot afford this

Also hi sorry this keeps showing up on my feed lol

^it's ok

IT will always be a debate. It’s okay if you want divorce to pass. IM not saying you are wrong or anything... but that’s my stance.

batrot: yes it is. Hehehe

batrot: it did??? Coool!! But no worries... it’s a topic really. Thank you for sharing your views po. 😊😊😊

lihangin: Sorry you feel that way. Perhaps one day you can finally try the Christian solution to help you and your spouse patch things up. Or ask the Lord for help in this problem kasi kapag binigay natin kay Lord ang problema tutulungan tlga Niya tayo. Matthew 11:28-30

owstalaga, sorry pero wala nang balikan. Been there done that. I can't imagine living with him for another 20 years. Ekis.

Ah I see. I understand kasi nasaktan ka n nga tlga. Mahirap tlga makipagbalikan. Healing takes time and it shows na hurt ka pa rin dahil sa mga nangyari in the past. Bsta lagi mong tandaan na andito si Lord para sa atin. Kahit ano pang problema yan, kapit lang sa Kanya at malalampasan din natin mga problema.

owstalaga Oo kapit naman talaga sa Diyos. Ex abusive and manipulative. There's no coming back to that relationship.

Ah yes, those people need our prayers the most. God bless you and your family.