"how was I supposed to know, this whole fucking level is NEON"
"I mean. They're red lasers. Also he loses rings when you run into them. Also he says ouch. I think there are a few signs."

now paranoid about every red rail in the level

"I'm scared move now in case it sends me into the void. But I'm also scared not to move in case not moving sends me into the void."

GOAL

now a break to watch Chao Tales to recover from the shitfuckery of that level

elle, now playing: "that's on me, i should've tried harder"
friend: "yeah, it doesn't help that you need to collect your own rings"
elle:
elle: "oh yeah, rings are important"

i just think that tails should do better.

"my power's failing!" maybe if you would shoot in the direction of the enemy???

[this is an end game level that I've gotten to]
friend: "what's the lock on button?"
me: "I don't know. I don't think it's circle."

the question of how i got this far is eternal and can be summed up as "brute forced it" and/or "rika took over the controller while i practiced breathing deeply"

[trying so hard to kill Eggman]
"This is like a really shitty game of duck-duck-goose."

elle just likes going fast in straight lines, if there's anything platforming adjacent i get the controller thrown at me

or when the hedgehogs clip through the wall into space

they yearn for the void

"I'm really not good at playing Tails"
"to be fair, I don't think Tails is good at playing Tails."

"I just realised, really belatedly, Eggman's mecha has one of those punchy gloves on a stick."

"rika when you were playing eggman's side how did you escape the massive laser beam?"
"idk i just kept moving and got behind him."
"okay. time to mount the eggman."

I think we're on our 3rd set of lives

jesus Hero Side boss fights are harder than Dark Side boss fights

GET ON THE HYDRAS BACK

WOULD IF HE'D STOP BOXING GLOVING US IN THE ASS

SHE DID IT

oh shi sonic can warp

[sonic straight up clips off a rail, falls into orbit]
friend: "what the fuck"
me: "i told you, he CRAVES it"

[it happens two more times]
"I told you. the hedgehogs pine for the void. Sonic and Shadow both long for the sweet embrace of death."

[sonic going super slow on the rails]
"come on dude you have one job. go fast."

"are you holding down the action button and forward?"
"yeah dude obviously"
[stops holding forward. speed increases.]
"oh. apparently I'm not supposed to hold forward. my biggest mistake was trying to give him direction in his life."

"I believe in you."
"Don't believe in me too hard."
"I believe in you"
[falls of the side of a platform]
"bitch what did I just say"

"the ironic thing is if I hadn't done anything there, it would've been fine."
"it's like I told you. Our biggest mistake is trying to give him directions."
"and then when you DON'T control him he spins off into the void."

very quietly: "i think i'm supposed to jump there"

"see I don't buy your logic that GUN destroyed the ARK to look like this. I think this was built like this. and I don't understand why anyone would build it."
[quietly]: "to keep Shadow in"

the mental image of Gerald fuckin rail-grinding his way to the lab each day.

no wonder maria was sick, they had to keep traveling in tubes to get anywhere.

"oh sweet I got 100 rings! That means I get an extra life!"
"oh wow. I don't think we've ever had 100 rings in this game before."

"I DID IT"
"yeah now you gotta kick Shadow's ass"
"oh really?"
"yeah it's a 2-way street. you gotta flirt back with the other hedgehog."

jesus the sound mixing in this game is so bad

love that sonic got warping for 1 game and then never mentioned again

[eclipse cannon preparing to fire]
friend: "goatse."

[credits roll]
?????? YAS QUEEN GIVE US NOTHING???

????????????????????

?????????????

IS THAT REALLY HOW WE'RE ENDING?

JUST CHILLING ON A PRONG OF A CANNON?

THAT'S NOT AN ENDING.

omg she's still so genuinely mad

rika and our friend are talking about sonic colours and i'm still stuck wanting closure on this game??????????

what inthe kingdom hearts is this post-credits scene

....oh you thought it was just a hero and dark story?

YEP

oh good there is more

["this spaceship is heading for earth at terminal velocity"]
rika: "yeah with the completely still stars in the background"

noletters: ngl it had me going for a moment

oh we went from Kingdom Hearts to SAW real quick

love eggman carrying grandpa's diary everywhere

["the ARK was shut down under the premise that there had been an accident"]
friend: "well with their fuckin building design no wonder"

i love how quick eggman was to switch sides when he realised his grandpa was bugfuck crazy

"damn he was more mad genius than me"

friend: "so why did he heel face turn so fast"
me: "he wants to rule the world, not destroy it. can't rule people if there's no people left to rule"
friend: "but he said he would've done it himself if he'd known to"
me: "idk maybe he's fucking stupid"

I was supposed to do many things tonight. instead it's 1am and I feel like this game is out to get me.

"now remember, the red lasers hurt."
"cheers."

["you can get to the other side if you use the blocks wisely!"]
friend: "but consider this. what if I use them unwisely."