this time of year things start getting hard for me mentally, going into november with the anniversary of both of my parents' deaths. it's hitting me a little early.

honestly it started with my birthday thinking about it being another year without a call from my mom. and the rest of the week has just progressively gotten worse.

i'm coping about as well as i can? distractions and trying to be gentle with myself. therapy tomorrow to discuss some of these newer issues popping up.

not only sensitive but my temper's on a hair-trigger and i just know i'm bound to say something wrong. stressful!

at least i can still kind of write. there's a bunch to catch up and stay consistent with but the little bit i'm picking at is helping. it's a lovely distraction.

this mood hasn't entirely bled over into RP? at least not much beyond the usual shyness about tagging out and worrying i've annoyed people with my replies. but that's normal.

radio played Desperado at work and I didn't cry much more than a little choked up and teary eyed feeling. phew.

(that was my parents' wedding song. weird choice but that was them. 🤷🏻)

november is The Hard Month but i'm hoping to combat it with lots of distractions in the form of RP and video games.

it's awful convenient that they both passed on what's usually thanksgiving weekend so more often than not, i'll be off work those days. thanks mom and dad...

dad passed 11/30/2020 and mom passed 11/29/2023, so just shy of 3 years apart, to the day. and 11/30 was their wedding anniversary. don't you just love when life is poetic?

The kitchen at work is doing salmon patties, and it smells like holiday dinner with my mom. I want to cry.

But the kitchen is also calling them salmon cakes which sounds Incorrect and is irrationally annoying me, lol.

I don't wanna work tomorrow! I don't wanna work today either, but at least today, is Friday, a Normal Office Work Day.

Mom and i always talked about pokemon go. it was one of those things we shared together. today i played the event and got a bunch of shiny pokemon so it felt like a smile from her. <3

whenever i caught shinies she'd say i had the lucky horseshoe and ask when it was her turn. today i had the horseshoe for sure.

she also had her own very unique names and ways to describe pokemon. meditite is "onion head" and ledyba is "baseball hands" forever now.