Last week, the girl I spent all of last year fund raising for Variety Kids SA and went on the Bash with, passed away.

She got diagnosed with terminal ovarian cancer shortly after we returned from our trip. The only silver lining is she didn't feel sick until right at the end. It sucks. It just fucking sucks and it's not fair.

I was keeping this off plurk, as I like to keep it my escape from reality, but I am about to snap at work.

All week people have been coming up to me to give condolences and most have been really sweet. But the ones making my life difficult are pushing me to the edge.

We have a fund raising event on Friday and people have been asking and offering me help. Except they have all failed to help and just keep giving me more work

I haven't even asked for very big things. Making signs, following up an email, tracking down a cooler/esky

Everyone today just keeps coming up with: oh, sorry ZZ, couldn't do it. You got this, right?

It's just snowballing while I'm grieving and I wish they just hadn't offered to help.

Why did they all wait until the last possible second to tell me they can't do things.

The worst offender is useless Teammate. This is suppose to be the last thing he does before he leaves the team as he's not on it again for next year.

Because he is useless. I told him - don't worry, leave all the planning to me. I just need him to show up at the event. Which is a BBQ where we'll be cooking burgers and playing a small game. Which he loved as he enjoys running the grill and didn't really want to do any of the prep work.

Fine. Whatever. I'd rather do the work and not have to trust him. Learned that the hard way over the past year.

EXCEPT HE'S STILL MADE MY LIFE MORE DIFFICULT.

I have to submit a budget for the fund raising to work. To show why I spent money on the mince and stuff; that is for the charity event.

The person approving first declined it because I didn't list veggie burgers.

Because turns out useless said we'd have them without saying anything to me about that promise

So then I had to change my budget and order to include veggie patties. Which I'm not even that upset about. Having a veggie option is nice, but this is a small event. We didn't have anyone through last year that was vegetarian

Which is why I didn't plan for it.

Then he promised someone else we'll bring a marquee to the event for them to use. AFTER HE FOUND OUT HE CAN'T MAKE IT TO THE EVENT BECAUSE HE MADE A DOCTOR APPOINTMENT THE SAME DAY

And, once again, I only found out when someone came up to ask what time I'd get there to help them set it up.

And I don't even know this marquee exists. First I've heard of it. But now I have to figure out where it's stored and figure out how to get it down to the event. Fucking. Yay.

And I just really miss my friend right now.

She waa my rock when shit like this happened last year. Now she's gone.

And I just want to tell everyone to get fucked. What I got ready for the event is enough and if they want to do more than they can do it themselves

just. deep, deep sigh

my condolences, both for your loss and because people are acting the fool

It's just so not fair. She was such an amazing person. I don't know if I really want to do this again without her.

I don't know if I can do it again without her.

It still hits me out of left field that she's gone. Not just off work for a bit.

It doesn't feel real.

Fuck cancer.

Very much fuck cancer and if you don't want to continue after this last event you don't actually have to.

If it's just going to frustrate and sadden you you cna bow out and let that couple of guys who wouldn't do it without the other take over

I'm really sorry about your friend, that sucks, fuck cancer. And fuck people making the whole process harder than it has to be.

I think after this one I'll mostly be alright. It's this one is a big one work expects every year because it goes hand in hand with another event going on that they do.

After this I'm not going to try too hard. I'll do a few raffles. I'll consider doing a quiz night because that wasn't so bad except Useless ruining the initial venue plans.

And Useless should hopefully not be an issue after Friday

We won't raise nearly the same amount we did last year if I'm doing this on my own, but we'll still raise something for the kids.

This event on Friday wouldn't nearly be so hard if people just left me alone to do it.

It's the thinking I have help and then I don't that's killing me. That and the finding out last minute that I have more work expected of me that I wasn't told about

The Wedding Singer Brought to my attention yesterday

Don't say you'll do something and than don't do it. Or, at least, give more than 48 hours notice if you can.

Like - if you can't lamenate a sign I asked for. I can see you have plenty of time to chat with a friend. But when you offer to do anything to help and I ask you to lamenate something because I know you know how and it's simple? Fucking just... do it.

Or tell me instantly that you don't really want to help. Or that you can't do it.

Don't go: oh, ZZ. I forgot to do this. You can still do it, right? I'm not in tomorrow and I know you needed it by tomorrow

And I do have time to get the sign laminated. It's really a non issue. I'm just upset that I can't rely on someone for even something so small. When they offered because they know I'm grieving and struggling emotionally.

Just makes me feel like I'm not valuable

I know that's not the way they intended it. They just lost track of time and forgot because the charity isn't what they're passionate about and she wasn't their friend like they were mine.

But it still makes me feel annoyed that I wasn't worth that much of a thought

Ultimately, I'll be alright. I just needed a spot to go: fucking pricks as someone who said they could help me find this stupid marquee I now need forgot to do so.

They were on it as I left work. So hopefully it gets found tomorrow. And if not? OH WELL I GUESS USELESS SHOULDN'T HAVE MADE A PROMISE HE DID NOTHING TO HELP FULFILL

He still hasn't said anything about it to me yet either. If that person didn't come to ask what time I plan to be there on Friday I would still be in the dark that I have to bring it.

this behavior absolutely baffles me

it's also so weird that it's everybody that volunteered and not just one or two people

Well there are 4 people on a team.

1. Me
2. the girl who passed away
3. someone who lives in another state
4. Useless

aah i see

But others have offered help. Just people at work. It's just upsetting me how even the others aren't willing to help much.

Useless is the only one making things extra hard by saying ZZ will do something without telling me he's just given me more work to do.

The guy in the other state can't do much.

Thankfully someone who was on the charity drive team two years ago IS COMING IN ON HER DAY OFF to help me with the BBQ

She's awesome. We love her. She didn't have to do that, but she is.

i'm glad she's coming in to help, that's great

Honestly, this is the worst transgression I've seen happen in any kind of voluntary charity thing, the whole "I'll do it" and then not. It unfortunately happens a lot, and I feel you on this. And the fact that you're dealing with grieving someone who was your friend just makes it ten times worse. I'm so sorry.

I think that's what is making this sting a little worse right now. It's not only letting me down, but it's also letting down a charity that the person who passed was so passionate about.

And it wasn't like I was her only friend in the office. She just had her 25th work anniversary.

Another thing that's upsetting me a bit. Is her partner asked for privacy right now. So we we agreed not to do any announcements just yet.

But useless and someone else higher up at work have been telling people

Leaving me feeling gut punched every time someone comes up going, omg ZZ did you hear? Or did you know?

Oof that’s so tough. And it’s one of the hardest things I think when people offer to help out, you think of something specific they can do, and then they don’t do it last minute. It says that they were just offering to feel better themselves not because they were prepared to do anything and it makes it harder because now it’s last minute for you.

(Hugs you tight) I'm so sorry, both for the loss and for everyone being morons, whether they mean to or not. Honestly, I don't think anyone would blame you for going off about this.

Yeah, but if I go off - I would rather go off on useless who is the one who really deserves it, but he's so high up in the company that doing so would not be wise

Blech. What are the chances that somebody sensible at his level or higher will listen to your complaints?

Slim to none. Especially as he's not on the team moving forward after this event

hugs I'm so, so sorry, ZZ.