The emotional pain and mental stress can feel so overwhelming that sometimes you just want to give up.

Nakakapagod mapagod. Nakakasawang umiyak.

I remember asking my counselor why there isn’t any medicine for emotional pain, something that could erase pain the way painkiller does and still keep you alive. She said that a medicine which completely removes emotional pain might also numb joy, empathy or the ability to grow from hardship.

During my down state, there were times I felt relieved when I experienced physical pain - like getting a small cut on my finger, suffering from a week-long toothache, or having a bad headache. Those moments of physical pain offered me a brief escape. That’s when I began to understand why some people turn to self-harm or even end their lives.

they simply want the emotional pain to stop.

I attended counseling sessions for more than a year. I stopped when I felt I was getting better and also because I could no longer fit it into my monthly budget. I could’ve gotten free counseling from our church, but I preferred seeking help from the outside. I know I can trust my church community, but at that time

I felt safer opening up to someone who didn’t know me. I wanted to avoid bias, feared being judged, and wanted to protect the people involved.