every post is a micro extension of the self, which is inherently "scarier" when in theory way more people could be looking at it, keep doing it again and again with occasional positive reinforcement and maybe it'll get easier and my brain will learn to fear it less is the idea

like, ok, when I plurk something, I forfeit the potential pain of nobody giving a shit by expressing myself where there is no body in the first place. avoiding rejection by not even putting yourself in the position to be rejected type of deal. it's cringe to say but it can feel bad if you say something and nobody pays attention, it can feel bad if you say

something and then later feel like you didn't say it quite right, it can feel bad if you say something and then later in a different state of mind you feel negatively about it because it felt like it came out of a part of you that you dislike or are insecure about. in the ephemerality of discord messages this is easy enough to ignore but, it's harder to do

so with "permanent" posts on a more traditional social media. but I'm just trying to push through it anyway, to hopefully feel less bad about all of those things and learn to ignore them better, because they generalize to all communication (online and IRL) and inhibit the free flowing expression that allows you to connect with people

it's hard but I'm just trying to do it gradually

there's no virtue in spewing random bullshit or rambling about yourself in ways that nobody will care about, more posting is not necessarily better, but if you believe that you're as unique a person as any other, with worthwhile things to share with the world, and that some of those things might be suited to the structure of social media posts, then well,

is it not an act of deprivation to forfeit any participation? is it not a waste to be stingy with your inner light?

it's like kinda not that deep but social media is just one very specific context that people may or may not be suited for, and I think this sentiment applies to friendships and real life interactions in a way too

or maybe it can just be practice and that's fine too