oh dear

how old are they

throckmorton: Early mid twenties, recentlyish out of univeristy

Have only ever lived in college dorms or at home.

Basically tl;dr I told him not worry about the first half month back in September since he was moving and I know that's expensive, asked for $350 for October and said up front "hey this is just to start off with, see how much expenses like groceries end up being"

I asked for $500 for November after looking at how much he eats, how much of what's already been here that he's eaten, and how much I've spent on groceries since he's gotten here

And he did Not Like That

Not temper tantrum or anything but he's clearly Not Happy

And to be clear, this is a two bedroom, two bath apartment, he's got the smaller bedroom, and the main bathroom; I pay $940 for rent.

I am primarily asking for grocery money

that's a consumable, like

You can track exact use.

You're already doing him a solid if it's mostly just groceries

I am doing most of the dinner cooking, too

And it's not just the currently/recently shopped groceries that are being eaten through

But also stuff that was already in the pantry and freezer prior

In our house, LL roomie puts the shared groceries into the rent three ways, and we buy a lot of our own snacks and stuff if we're just foraging instead of a dinner

I had a crap load of Campbell's Chunky/Progresso soups

They are now mostly Gone

And those aren't exactly cheap soups at $2 a can

At MINIMUM

And grocery prices have actively been going UP in just the last couple of months

It's very much "okay, even with buying mostly store brand, I can see grocery spending has GONE up while already owned foods have DECREASED"

I told him I was asking for $500 for next month today, but I had already said a couple weeks ago, "hey, you eat a lot more than I expected, I'm going to be asking for more next week"

*next month

And it's also just like

$500 is REALLY not that much to ask for in a roommate situation?

It is just very much

$500 just really, really cheap when that is being all asked of you living expenses wise

thats incredibly generous. I've usually done even splits - or even uneven splots. Like when I was putting my sister through school I paid 2/3 of all rent and most of the expenses so she could keep up hr scholarshop/

Like...there's a point where he has to start adjusting to adult life

Yeah, I'm very much trying to be helping him out so he can actually save money and still be able to enjoy stuff still but also like

I cannot actually soak up ALL of the living expenses for two adults...

Because I also like to enjoy having snacks and being able to do things, but I cannot do that if I'm handling the living expenses for two people on just what I get from the VA.

This is me looking at how much the price of groceries is going up, the steady decrease of food in the pantry and fridge and going "this is not working out"

I think some of this mild crankiness is also because I visibly spent money earlier this month, between prime day and us going to a convention and just like

Most of what I got were things like filters for the air purifiers. And stuff my mom's going to pay me back on. A vacuum. Some blu-rays.

But see again that I am allowed to spend my money on myself.

(A lot of my con purchases are also intended as gifts.)

But seriously, $500 a month is just genuinely

Not That Much

throckmorton poking you on Discord

just be firm about it and tell him he can look for his own place if he doesn't like it, he'll rethink shit fast once he realizes how expensive it'd be to pay for rent/utilities/groceries/etc all on his own

tinybro: Yeah, that's the intent if he actually tries to kick his feet up at it

And to be clear on the food thing with what I mean, he is early-mid twenties, and does a shit ton of workouts/has visible ABS

So, it's very much Sir You Really Are Eating A LOT OF FOOD

SPECIFICALLY THE CURRENTLY EXPENSIVE PROTEIN

So far though he was just very "uhhh" and Visibly Not Happy and has been mildly passive agressive the last few hours

$500 for rent, groceries, and you do a lot of the buying groceries and cooking? And he’s complaining?

skalja: He issued protest when I told him today that I'd be asking for $500 for next month, yeah.

Not a strong protest, but still mild protest nontheless

He's done some cleaning and organizing (mostly by putting things away where I cannot reach them and therefore cannot use them anymore) but I do the cooking for most dinners and wash most of the dishes used.

While also eating A Lot

I've been making stuff that on my own will last about a week, easily

With him it lasts two or three days, so uh

Way less than a simple divide by two situation

I would... yeah. I’m not saying evict him, but I agree with tinybro that he should be encouraged to look into his other options for a reality check if nothing else

Yeah, if he says anything or is actively directly passive aggressive to my face about it, I'm going to point out that it is genuinely impossible to live anywhere in the US on $500 a month.

Because before he moved in with me- which I suggested- he was considering moving to Denver

welp

And his plan was to move in with random queer strangers

Which

1) that would be WAY more expensive than $500 a month even with roommates in a shitty apartment for that metro area and 2) holy fucking bad idea, Batman

I’m sorry for the emoji onslaught, I just...what

Nah you're good lmao

When he was discussing his plans to do that in a friend group discord

I was just

"Look I know it's still in Texas but I have a room, Do Not Fucking Do That, That is a Fucking Bad Idea, You Will Super Regret That"

Like, he's about a decade younger than me (he was doing undergrad at the same university I went to for my grad program) but like

The Horror Stories of the Don't Fucking Move In With Other Queers If They're Strangers are so common I would have expect him to be aware of them???

Like, that is, somewhat joking, the fucking plot of Rent

yeah he doesn't realize how good he has it.

maybe it's a moment of immaturity (no one likes being told they'll be expected to pay more, even if it's justified and warned about)

Yeah, that's what I figure it is, since this is his first time Actually On His Own since university dorms really do not count.

And tbh I think he's also just not really happy because his own post-university career attempts have mostly ended up being freelancer work or non-degree store jobs but also like

We have mutual friends who are out in Denver area right now who are also not doing great on the career situation despite being out there and with degrees that should help them get good jobs

right. i'm surprised you were feeding him, all my roommate situations didn't share food. but he would be paying more that route and doing a lot more work.

his frustration is understandable tbh it's just misdirected. you are doing him a favor.

elsinore: For a variety of reasons (old apartment with little storage space, my mom still leaving a ton of stuff here) there is really not much space to put things and it is a tiny ass galley kitchen so from my perspective it's honestly just simpler on the grocery front if that stuff is shared

500 for rent would be insanely cheap, the fact that you're cooking for this grown ass man is more than he's owed

cantito: 🤷‍♀️

echoing the "you bring your own food" is the normal roommate situation, feeding and cooking for him feels like you're just enabling him to be lazy. if he wants to pay the old price, then he can buy and cook his own food—see how he likes that

and honestly 500 is less than what I paid with my roommates when we split the rent, equally, over ten years ago.... so like. bruh.

There's some more at play here that I'm outright being explicit about since this is a public plurk, but there are reasons.

*than I'm being explicit about

But there are very much reasons I am lowballing so much on the rent, even if I'm venting

still, he's gotta learn to cook for himself if he wants to become independent, even if it's cooking pastaroni (this was my go-to out of college lmao)

Oh yeah, he does feed himself and cook! The only thing I'm handling is dinner.

oh it's understandable and sharing food is more economical for both of you i would imagine (so long as he pays for his share)

i know i pay singles tax on groceries

Yeah, it's absolutely cheaper if he pays for his share just

I was seriously not expecting how much groceries have gone up since early September and how much they're still expected to go up

yeah he doesn't realize how good he has it, I can understand feeling grumpy about a price increase but $500 for rent is still insanely cheap and you have good reasons for it

maybe you can offer to decrease it later if he eats less and therefore the grocery bills go down?

I already said I'd drop it down for December since he's planning on going home for the holidays for at least a while.

I also seriously doubt he'd easily agree to eat less, since he works out a ton. He is ripped.

yeah like. what does he have to complain about in this situation, especially when groceries are currently priced as they are

and honestly I'd say 'look, either pay this or buy food you want me to prepare for you because I cannot handle the amount on my own'

especially if it's a high protein diet bc that gets expensive fast

meat is expensive and from what I have noticed, he does not really like vegetables that much.

He takes Polite Required portions of the vegetables when they're a side and it's kinda

I do the microwavable steam bags but I make sure things don't get overcooked and that there's seasoning and stuff right there if so choose. 🤷‍♀️

but seriously $350 does not cover a single very active adult, especially if you eat a ton of protein

I made one of those Bear Creek tortilla soups the other week, added two big chicken breasts in along with some added stuff to really thicken it up. I expected, based on prior experience as one person and also when I lived with my mom, that it'd last a few days between the two of us.

It got through dinner and lunch the next day. that was it.

Similar with the Japanese curry I've made; I do the huge block, two pounds, crap ton of veggies, in the last that lasts me a solid week, sometimes a little more. has not made it past day three the last couple times.

so it's pretty clearly not a simple 2x food situation

yeah, like. if thats the case then I'd recommend being like 'hey, please buy us more meat'

like okay sure, your rent still isnt that expensive, but if you want more protein pony up said protein

also man i WISH I could get the big blocks of jp curry around here, I can only get the 'basically made for two people' servings

I would make so much curry to freeze and have for later

I am super lucky to have a small Asian grocery store in close walking distance.

I know protein is expensive because with weight loss I've been trying to get more protein into my diet

which has mostly boiled down to SO much tofu because it's relatively cheap where I live in comparison to, say, chicken. I can get shelf stable tofu for 2 bucks a box, and that's good for a meal that'll last me at least two days

lemme guess that he doesn't like tofu wither

He probably wouldn't mind it, but while I get tofu, I do not get it to replace meat in my diet because I am pathetic when it comes to iron

I do not eat beef that often but I do kinda need it in my diet especially when my period comes knocking.

deep nods

same lol

Same hat

Also I did my grocery shopping for the next couple weekish and that was so much money...

Around $350 subtracting the stuff that is only for me (for Halloween) and even then this not everything I wanted to get for groceries...

Actually this is now real complaining, we made cookies yesterday and just lmaosob I gave him the benefit of the doubt on cooking skills before this but no, he does not know basic shit

could not and DID not follow the instructions on his own, managed to break one of my mixing bowls because he was trying to use a regular dinner spoon to mix dough.

he tried to offer to replace the bowl with.... a dollar store bowl

I just found out he must have broken one of my spatulas the earlier the week before because it is no longer spatulaing. I am going to have to have a talk about this now because this is genuinely not funny.

He has l, by my estimate, cooked or baked all of three times since moving in a month and a half ago and two of those three times have resulted in broken kitchen things.

It was a fancy fully covered silicone spatula with a metal core. It is snapped in half inside where the handle and spatula neet.

I’m having trouble figuring out how someone could break one of those by accident

I have a couple of those and they are not flimsy

Presumably with the same stupid strength he used to crack the mixing bowl???

It was a very solid spatula the last time I used it!

now it just

flops

it's wrecked

internally decapitated

Just boggling

my god how fucking hard was he going???

but also: I am NOT surprised

Correction: three out of three, I forgot about the can opener that worked right before he used it

I am going to need to have a Talk with him today.

okay he is DEFINITELY putting too much strength into things

was is an electronic or a mechanical (manual) can opener?

manual can opener.

And it USED to be the Good Can Opener

JESUS CHRIST

the other one isn't as good because it takes too much force to turn the handle.

But now it's the only working one.

he's either got a death grip to end all death grips or he's in a rush and putting way too much force to try to get things done faster

but bare minimum he needs to replace what he's broken

I don't care about replacements, I care about him stopping and no longer breaking shit.

my only other potential worry is this may be weaponized incompetence, but I dont know him enough to make that call.

I don't think it's weaponized incompetence.

again I dont know him that well, so

here's hoping he's just unknowingly hulk smashing things and needs to be told to ease up a bit