Future wife will be someone like this.

flexible enough to fit in handluggage? very sexy.

probably more towards the fact that people will scream 'HOLY CRAP THAT'S NOT A GUY'

when i found out she was a chick, it confused me in ways i still don't understand.

i'm attracted to girls with really broad/bulbous shoulders.

I'd tap that ass, regardless of gender. FUCK IT IN THE RUDDY GREAT CANNON.