definitely wants ideas and opinions over obedience.

Me too! My neighbor and I had a discussion about children. I have been working with infants and toddlers at a Montessori school.

I told her I was fan of natural consequences (provided the consequence isn't death or dismemberment) and I told her that I was warning my

son but allowing a natural consequence to occur. I mentioned that there are lots of Indian families at school and their children go through

culture shock when they come to school because they have the option to not directly obey.

For example, we state that standing on the chair is not safe. When they continue to do it, and the chair falls, we reiterate what we said.

The neighbor says, that's why their children are so good. Now maybe I am too Montessori-fied but that chapped my hide. First of all,

that implies that children that test boundries are "bad"

that my mom gave me the best advice ever: unless safety or health is at risk, let children have their opinions. It teaches them to

and to articulate. You don't have to agree, and you can have the last word if necessary.

and second of all, these are going to be the adults that stand at the gate and can't figure out how to work it because no one is there to

give instructions

understand completely. My son goes to a charter school, and it's monterssori-esque, even though it's technically a public school. I feel

so grateful that he goes there and drive him 25-30 min. each way/daily.

i don't think the two are mutually exclusive

I agree with Chad, I want a little of both!

expects respect at *all* times. But "obey" is such a strong word.

i think it's only a strong word if you parent like a drill sergeant. If you parent like a loving parent, it's something entirely different

example: when the girls were little and I told them "stop," I expected immediate compliance without question as a conditioned response. Why?

Because that one time they are running out into the street and I yell "STOP!" that immediate reaction could save their life.

(and that did happen)

But if I didn't expect 100% compliance in all cases, then their response may have been different when they were running in front of the car

understands completely. That's why I allow my son to do *some* negotiating on matters that have nothing to do w/ safety or health.

in matters of safety and health, he must (ugh) obey.

I don't have kids, so hearing these varied perspectives from parents is really interesting. Seriously. Thanks!