they say dreams are our subconscious desires, but it not always can be reality

could this be my punishment for not doing that yesterday?

but i know i shouldnt, i made a promise about that

my close friends also said i shouldnt and I concur with their observations

most importantly she wouldnt want it, because the way things are right now are what she wants/needs

sad to say that with all the progress I've made, in that particular aspect, its just as well built as a house of cards

any significant gains are easily subverted and made all for naught by events like that dream

maybe in that sense I havent changed much, still an old emotional and sentimental fool, except this time with none of my fears to hold it ba

only thing I can do anymore is just to grin and bear with it, and try to struggle forward each and every day

and to stick with what I resolved myself to do

despite all the pain and hardship that path entails