All I want now is to be a good son and grandson and due to me fucking up - ALL THE TIME - I doubt that I'll ever manage that.

Dealing with it will be sure as hell hard, but I'll do my god damned hardest to sort it out.

Wonder how long it will take me to sort it out.

Wonder how long it will take me to forget to do anything about it.

You have a very harsh family if they sincerely think that. What do you think you need to fix?

They'll never say it, but I know what theyre thinking.

this a flying visit or are you back with us for good this time?

You should try to be good in the ways you'd like to be rather than second guessing them - which is usually complicated and unnecessary.

I know what I should be, but I cant stop feeling

People will love you anyway. Well, like you. Tolerate your existence.

actually I fucking can

Aha, you took a part time course in comedy

But, I dont want unconditional love from my parants - love should be earned and renforced by respect.

I will deal with this - calmly and rationally

That is the highest form of life and art married in one place

The ability to do and to do so calmly and well.

I think you'll find I am naturally hilarious. (And I am ready to deal with the myriad of comebacks you can think of for that.)

Just don't worry about it too much, okay? You'll make them proud in whichever way you choose, I'm sure.

I am reminded of Sir Aglavale de Galies

A knight who pailed in comparison to his younger brother Lamorak

He was riven by both guilt and fear of inadiquacy.

Well at least I get to spend some time with them tomorrow - going up to yorkshire tomorrow.