Twilight: Breaking Dawn might be literally hazardous to your health. And at the very least, make you feel very unclean.
LMAO, just saw it today! 
...do you need a vomit pan.
orz saw it witha friend. spent half of it physically writhing in pain.
it was like being trapped in someone else boring, boring, frigid fantasy
lol!!!
Hey man. It was... better than the books....
a-ahaha
in that it was over faster?
/watches theater writhe around
the beginning killed me. it wouldn't END.
Oh yes, it dragged pretty bad in places, holy crap.
I was just like GET TO THE UTERUS BITING 
One pro to the movie: I really DO love the minor characters in Twilight.
I love Alice, Jasper, Emmett, alla' them.
I wish it were more focused on them.
I know Doug from That Guy With the Glasses HATED how they tried to talk about abortion +_+
yeah, he hit the nail on the head. It went from painfully awkward vanilla sexless sex, to just..... horrific misogyny.
plus the way Jacond is handled-- letting Bella have both her true loves, without any of the real pain of rejection or y'know, real life
to the point where she gets to cuddle with her not-husband and it is totally legit
sdkfjsdlfkj why couldn't this be about the other family members instead of all this love-drama-sex-uguu-babby shit?!
honestly though from all I've heard of the movie - yet to see it yet but I read the book -
the movie actually tones down the misogyny
it was legit being stuck inside the very tilted head of someone fantasizing
GUH I KNOW
VERY TRUE, ZERO.
it is so bad I ended up just grimacing in silence and disbelief
For example, I've heard it drops this one scene where Edward tries to encourage Jacob to knock up Bella as an excuse to
abort his demonbaby
which is just so /unsure
I HEARD THAT... I thought it was an earlier book
I... forget. I thought it was breaking dawn
it might have been Eclipse
a similar scene happens in Eclipse
but this still had the Menfolk going outside to discuss Their Woman's Future
The movies were very smart to try to toss out a few of the /UNSURE moments
Edward foes a lot of trying to pawn off Bella to Jacob "for her own good"
but in the end... still a bajillion UNSURE moments
(which, ironically, is actually true given Edward is an emotionally abusive stalker)
what's awful is that he's really right... Jacob is by far the more admirable guy throughout
certainly less selfish
(but then, Jacob has severe anger management and posession issues)
YES THAT TOO
I confess, my appeal in Breaking Dawn is the baby itself, sob. I like Nessie. But this also means that Part 1 is pretty useless to me
because she's not old/mature enough to be a major character until the second half
apparently part 1 ends with her still mostly infantile
Jacob started out great, and then Meyer was like "you know... people like Jacob too much. Lemme just make him kiss her forcefully.."
Nah, he had elements of being posessive and anger-management in New Moon
she just super assassinated him in eclipse
LMAO WELL YEAH, nothing wrong with negative attributres
*attributes
until you like
magnify them by 2300234
I sort of think playing Edward would be fasinating
RP wise.
(though my true Twilight muse is Nessie)
Playing him as he is, and not Bella's pov? He'd be fascinating.
A weird, dysfunctional guy with a shit-ton of problems that need addressing, yes.
Well most interesting he's a self-depreciating stalker who ironically has a very big ego
despite thinking he's worthless
yesssss
...so basically he's Angel from Buffy just a teenager.
LMAODFJF
yup.
well, I don't think she even views them as negative. that's what scares me. they are all excusable or outright excused.
Oh she doesn't
Or well.
She does less and less as the books go on, if that makes sense
That's what's so sad about Twilight. The characters all have HUGE GIANT ENORMOUS problems or faults and they're just sort of...
swept under the rug for more faults
in Twilight you see her /unsuring about Edward watching her sleep, but by the time you hit Eclipse
she like... finds it endearing
he's ~protecting her~ and she does aknowledge it/like it and mostly she's just annoyed he's so overbearing
without any real acknoledgement of how creepy it is
I was pretty :^| about Bella pressuring Edward into sex that could potentially kill her.....
I dunno I liked that. I mean, it was stupid and her reasoning was stupid
But at least she did something outside his designs. It was just stupid how it was written
what tbh alarms me about that whole thing the most is....
Bella actually has a severe freakout when she turns 18
Like, straight up panic attack "oh god i'm old and barren and shriveled"
and this is in a young adult book
which is influences middle school girls
just ....orz
but everyone discussing Bella's sex life was just top notch win right there, too
and of course no one thinks to ask if the pregnating is possible until AFTER THE FACT
like, apparently the topic just DIDNT COME UP
Well.
Edward's dead and vampires don't sweat
I assume they just assumed it wasn't possible.
(tbh, the sex life discussion gets weirder though
I feel like Bella getting pregnant was a cop-out because vamps are dead
there's a subplot in the later part of the book where vamped!Bella is apparently an insatiable sex kitten Edward
I mean, isn't there some vamp stuck with permanent pregnancy?
can't keep up with)
Yes, Esme is.
or well, hormonally shei s
I think the zygote passed
yeah well, you'd assume getting it up would be impossible too. it's ALL a cop-out.
Well.
Twilight vampires have coagulated blood according to Meyer
my assumption was they were constantly erect-ish as a result
....... see, it just gets creepier the longer you think about it.
constantly erectish. what could possibly be more erotic.
That's nnot even getting into the fact they are cool to the touch
or that their skin is as hard as marble
so Edward has a cold marble penis for a dildo
err
flip dildo and penis
............ orz going by the visuals we were treated too, I'd believe that
/awesomeface
Then again, sex with Jacob would probably run a risk of overheating a normal girl
given werewolves keep a constany 104F internal body temp
Or was it 108...
either way, ridiculously high
/I love doing this
/sorry about that
oh yes. he gets used as a pregnancy hot water bottle in this one
I heard they tried to make the imprinting bti less skeevy
bit-
hehehe, mostly by showing her as an all growed up girl in his inner eye~ ... and emphasizing platonic "protectiveness"
buuuut it's still pretty "here is your romantic consolation prize-- and with half of Bella's DNA!!"
To be fair, looking at it from the angle of the protectiveness, Jacob and nessie are morbidly adorable in BD
but... yeah, narrative-wise, there's definitely that.
Y-yeah. They don't talk too much about it....... Just like /looks at Nessie OH I IMPRINTED NOW WE COOL
Plus they go on to establish Jacob might have been in love with Bella in the first place because of said DNA
That'll... probably come up more in the second movie
like, he knew her womb would have his true love
a-ahaha
BUT I CONFESS I AM WEAK.
I LOVE
JACOB AND NESSIE HUNTING TOGETHER
I FIND IT CUTE
SUE ME
sob
LOLOL
Because Nessie's like "but I don't want to maim the deer :C"
and Jacob is like "/makes a contest out of it"
Nessie: *^*
because despite being kind to a fault's she's also competetive
(yes she is a supersue I still love her sob)
I realize that the last movie is going to be perfect people being perfect, basically
Essentially.
The plot of the last movie is basically the serious practical component of the series (the Volturi) is like "what is this shit" about the
main cast only for the main cast to disprove their suspicions
with a convenient clarification that amounts to the power of love
(It turns out the vampire community is very anti-turning-babies-into-vampires for some reason and they conclude
Nessie might just be that and the Cullens therefore need to prove she was born)
though I confess I sort of love Nessie's vampire superpower.
But I am
super hijacking your plurk
LMAO, i didn't bother watching it
i just watched Spoony's review
it was kind of hilarious
the movie drove him to drink
so he basically was drunkenly babbling about how horrible it was with two friends (who were there via skype or something)
it was literally the first time I have ever wanted to be drunk in my life
I was sitting there staring at my coke, realizing that I wanted it to be something very different
a very new breed of longing
lololol
....and i'm very, very sorry you were forced to sit through it