We are all sailboats on the river of life, and money is the wind. With enough money you can get blown anywhere

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts except that Boy Scouts have adult supervision

The only way to make a killing on the stock market is to shoot your broker.

This is more bizarre than a Friday afternoon brainstorming meeting at the Department of Conceptual Art.

as randomly sadistic as the writers of flat-pack furniture instructions

Men read maps better because only a male mind could conceive of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

you be here all week and should i try the veal?

ahh man who boasts of his illustrious ancestry is like the potato — the best part is under ground.

oh try the veal and tiip your waitress!! Thank you!!

Housework is the treadmill from futility to oblivion.

you know you love me

he's been on a roll

That's because Witcher is so old, Alex was his bff

Kloe: DOH!!