I don't feel like I can say this to your face because I really don't want to upset you. I had a lot of fun.

I apologize for locking up and making things awkward.

I wish it didn't happen. I didn't used to happen. Various things in my life changed and my confidence essentially vanished over that period.

If you can find it in your heart to accept my apology then I would really be grateful.

If not, I really am sorry for doing what I did tonight.

Just... please understand, when you charge on me, it's going to make me think back and lock further. I'm not saying walk on eggshells, but

I am saying you should be softer when I'm like that. Not because I want butt-pats, but because I honestly am, essentially, "damaged."

90% of the time I will shrink from conflict and become afraid.

In the past I was more confident.

You know that. I know that.

People think I'm weird now and knowing I am makes it worse because I feel like I can't change it.

I still want to have fun with you. Please don't take it as me fighting with you. I ran because you scared me.

Yes, you scared me. These days, it doesn't take much at all to do that.

Please know I still consider you one of my closest and dearest friends and I want everything to be awesome for you.

Again, I honestly apologize for locking up. I hope we can have fun again. I don't want this to ruin everything. I dread that happening.

I want to get along with you but I just felt very guilty and scared suddenly and locked down. It happens.

Please don't be mad at me, okay?