tired and twitchy and depressed and anxious and don't know why I fucking try to be a person.

tired of being useless and tired of failing and so, so tired of trying. done trying. want to stop trying. want to go away.

never going to be good enough, never going to amount to anything, never going to be worth the effort.

and i should just go home but i told my grandmother i would be here and i dont want the quiestions and i dont trustm yself not to star

screaming when i step foot on the bus.

dont know. cant do phones. cant talk. t heres nowhere to go to hide.

need to do thintgs, need to work. not that it matters. doesnt matter and is hould just stop trying. flunk out of everything and prove that

need to do thintgs, need to work. not that it matters. doesnt matter and is hould just stop trying. flunk out of everything and prove that

i am not worth giving a damn about and maybe people will stop expecting things from me.

its fine. i dont know how long im going to be here and i can manage it. go sleep.

you need sleep, though.

it's fine. sleep is good for you. get some.

it's fine. it's fine, I'll be fine. I'll do things, i will, and ill be fine and dont worry about it.

... why am i doing this. why did it ake this class and why ia m trying. i am not a creative person. i can try in as many mediums as i want

but its never going to fucking change that.

i don't make things. im rpetty sure actually producing creative content is a prerequisite for being creative.

and i dont. i can force something out once in a blue moon.

that's not creativity, that's just pathetic.

fuck, I'm just pathetic.

can't write, can't make anything, can't even get a fucking fast food job and settle into a life of mundanity.

I'm not. I'm not, I can't do things, I can't make things come out and when they do, it's not worth the sheer effort and tiem it takes to

force something to happen.

And i should just get soem fast food job and take on twelve credits a semester and tire myself out trying to be useful but Ic an't even do

that much.

I do nothing, I don't even fucking do anything when I'm goofing off what Is hould do and I still feel like I'm going to be sick.

and I don't know why I'm still talking. don't know why I can't shut up dont know why im here.

im going im going im going. im going, becaue toherwise i wont shut up and is hould.

i havent got a right to complain and ive got nothing worth complaining over. i do nothing. im lazy and stupid and useless and

sitting her complaining like life is actually that hard on me.

im just. im going. im going to go. i will go and i will hole up and i will... i dnot know. missed the bus. fucking stupid, missed the bus.

should be home, should be watching my grandmotehr, not that she would let me do anything, and hse shouldnt, because iw ill fuck it up.

/curls around and snugs and loves <333

hugs and curls up on

I Dont think I can write.

at least not without spending three hours staring at a blank page. and i cant be up that late.

curls up on and burrows and hides

<3

god, I should just go to bed. Im just not tired anymore.

but im doing nothing. staying up is pointless and just reminding me how much if ail.

... i just think lying down and taking off my glasses and trying to do nothing is going to end in aomplete meltdown.

i dont know.

i wont have anything to say.