why? i say... oh cuz you're DIETING. you cant stay thin on a diet, you need to exercise every day, youre not a natural athlete, you were fat

etc etc etc, hurl every and any excuse to try and keep my confidence and self esteem down. like all my best efforts are all for nothing

how rude!

well ... i've lost 68 lbs. and i'm not gaining that back, ever. this isnt a diet, it's a lifestyle change. so suck my detachable dick.

lol not saying that to u gogo. but yeah, my family suppports me like crazy n sone are really proud of me. but theres a few ppl .... ugh.

they ask me what i did what in doing and fuckingchallenge it. like oh no carbs? u cant do that forever. oh you dont drink? blah blah

this isnt a trend thing. im not taking any silly pills or slimming diuretic shit. i'm straight up changing my fucking life. :/

so it just tells me that my critics inly want me to go back to how i was so that they have a mule to kick around n exalt themselves over.

sick of these things. i cant control everything. but i can control this. discipline starts from within etc etc

and i eat. i eat chocolate, enjoy it. i have breads just not the old kind, im just making sane choices

it's just having a salad at the restaurant vs a burger. skipping dessert n having a thin mint. pudding vs ice cream sundae. protein shake vs

bacon, eggs, hash browns. white meat vs dark

a lot of my unhealthy eating came from being shamed. like im not mingling w the group if i dont snarf down burgers at 2am. or order dessert.

and im not even into fast food or pastries. i dont like drinking. the 1st week i was editing my eating havits someone brought over krispy

kremes n ate them in front of me. n i wasnt tempted. becuz deep down inside, i know it's not something i enjoy eating anyway. it was interes

ting seeing how ppl did kinda stereotype my fatness. like im big cuz i pig out on donuts n couldnt resist, no... i was big cuz i was buying

unhearhy stuff n eating out vs cooking at home. cooking for 4 eating for 2. that kinda thing.

i dont get cravings. if i want a taste i go for it. i just have smaller portions, eat frequently, and eat the healtheir stuff that i enjoy

i also was motivated becuz i didnt make this into, gotta look thing goal. my goals were deeper like emotionally

anyways i'm just trying to stay focused n not let ppl get under my skin. i'mdoing this not for their appraisal or approval.

all i want is to go out in public and not feel uncomfortable. or that my appearnace would be mocked or jeered at.

just want to feel good abt myself n smile for the camera not hide away, n b happy that im w friends n family. not think i dont blend in

we're all harsh. i'm my hardest critic but i still wouldnt want to hear my shit being spokenby others. who knows

yeah i think my gma's passing really pushed me to do it. she lived til she was 83 but 10+ yrs of that she was sick, unable to walk, etc

and i saw me, my mom, so i changed. then i got my mom on board, she's lost 28 lbs now and is all giddy n teenage like. i love it

big families are a blessing but also a burden. cuz ppl wanna peg others into fixed roles. ur te brain, she's the ditz, im the loser lol

i cant accept that anymore. it's that mentality that did gma in. never tried to change. i love change. embrace it.