I should do things. I just kind of want to cry.

Then VLC gave me I Got Life and Wicked Girls. Honestly not sure if the music is helping or just making my mood plummet farhter.

Still better than NCIS but I think I am in a place where Wicked Girls stops being empowering and startsbeing I'll never be that way.

curls up on and hides

Just -- suddenly crashing .Crashing and tired of failing and of sharing my living space with someone who makes me hate and doubt myself.

Tired of not being creative enough to work through brainfail and too much so to give up entirely. Tired of being an adult.

Part of me wants to go hide inside and the rest ofm e does not want to leave the easy distractions.

Wish I could have stayed at my parents, at least. My mother has been sane and I have been taking steps towrds work and things were okay.

I was okay there, I was slightly selfloathing but I was not this, I was far from this.

There was no fucking procedurals to give me brainflashes and nothing to eat to make it harder to ignore the stresseating impulses.

Right, shutting up.

curls up on and h ids and loves and stays

Right. Need to do something. Can't curl up in games or TVtropes anymorebecause it just makes the part of my brain screaming fuckup, failure,

lazy worthless bitch louder and louder and louder until I Cant actually focus.

I dot know. I probbly shouldnt, justb ecaus eits too esay to stay up really late when we get on the phone.

Ill be fine. Im going to... something. Find something. I dontknow what.

Okay.

Still not doing anything. Brain stll will not shutu p. Brain has started sounding an awful lot like my grandmother on my lack of friends and

willpower and overall worth.

Turning Sinatra up really loud and trying to drown it out, but it just keeps going.

Keep coming back here and saying tihngs as if itll guilt me into getting to do things. Or shut my hea up. Doesnt work. Dont know why I cant

just shut up, except that when I try it never works.

Idont know. I dont think I have the brain for words and even if I did, I honestly do not know what to try working on.

...Ad trying to figure it out just makes me want to cry.

Yeah.

Sorry. Im okay. OR. It could be worse, anywasy. ITs fine, just. Brainfail. Ill shutup now.