and I still feel like shit

;curl up

i still feel like a shitty friend and probaby will for a while

mommy i set my friend off last night..

i triggered her the fuck off

it wasn't! but ..fuck i still...

i was the person she went to BECAUSE OF TRIGGERS

and i went and triggered her off

she's a rape victim and certain words send her into fits of rage/embarrassment/sadness

all of that all at once

and i said one of those words on accident

she did..but only because she didn't want me crying or upset

she didn't HURT HERSELF because she knew i'd cry and be upset

she should be doing this for herself, not me

apparently im the only person she really gives a damn about..

ive never seen her put a trigger on a screeching halt before

except when i did it

yeah...

i..i know

she cares about me more than hersellf

thats what she told me

i know but the fact that I did it in the first place, mommy..

it hurts knowing that i THREW HER INTO THAT MINDSET TO START WITH

she's been my friend for 8 years, she thought she could trust me then look what i go and do

she forgave me, she said it was okay and that she wasn't mad but omfg

she doesn't deserve that and I CAUSED IT

i swear i thought i was gonna lose her

i know it was an accident though..

we all do things unintentionally. all you can do now is learn from it, be a little more careful, be there for her just like you have before

if she values you more than herself then you have to treat her the same so that she can come to realize that she also has value

it's a process that takes time and commitment.

but from what i've read it looks like you are already helping her so much

you don't have to be so hard on yourself.

i guess..i dunno. im just..im the type to overreact..and freak out..and..im just glad she was able to calm down

just be the best friend that you can

T_T I'm trying guys..I really am