Love it! I don't know how you make something so dry sound so funny but you do

OMG! You have been put through the wringer!

see how much I want to be here! SEE!

sprays you with windex as a sign of affection

in the face, yes?

"Windexing you in the face" = Euphemism of the Day

windexing you in the back of the head = needs a bit more consideration?