Talking to my manager today made me realise how incredibly lucky I am to have the most regular bowels in the world.

Usually I will have between one and two poos a day. First thing in the morning, and/or last thing in the evening.

They come like clockwork.

This evil old man was telling her yesterday morning that he hadn't done a poo in two weeks, and wouldn't take his medication in case he couldn't leave the house due to unpredictable poos.

That is a BAD PROBLEM but I think I would take my medication anyway because TWO WEEKS WITHOUT A POO

fuuuuuuck that would hurt

then my manager was like: I KNOW, I WOULD ONLY GO FIVE DAYS MAX WITHOUT POOING BEFORE I WENT TO SEE A DOCTOR!!!

and I was like FIVE DAYS??? That is TOO LONG

that would really, really, really hurt

I would have done between five and ten poos in that time!

AND ALSO? YOU MIGHT ASSPLODE

YES!

ALSO, by carrying that poo for that long, you're probably only making it harder to get it out :C

XD

idk this is all nonsense idk anything about poo science

ALL I KNOW IS THAT YOU NEED TO DO THEM!!!

you really do

Like, literally I think If I didn't poo for three days I would sit on the toilet and make it happen, even if I injured myself in doing so.

I think I've gone about four days without before

also I used to be a junkie, right, and you may not know that opiates constipate you like WHOA

BECAUSE PHYSICAL INJURIES WILL HEAL, but you can't UN-NOT-POO

while still eating gluten. gluten screwed me up, I was always either constipated or extremely not

so ...I know more than I ever wanted about retained poo

can I just say rocky

cornichaun Oh no :c I am so sorry for your poo troubles!

I never worried that much. that kind of thing didn't hurt; it was the midnight stomach aches that really killed me

Also Lizblackdog GOD THIS SOUNDS BAD AS WELL!!! I feel like whenever I've forced out a poo through sheer willpower, it's been a bit like... idk, DRY.

but I don't know if that's because of science.

probably even more TMI but I had wee hours of the morning poos where I was still half-asleep and half-dreaming and those hurt so much I honestly thought I was being tortured

cornichaun were the stomach aches because of the gluten as well?

well they went away after going off of gluten, so I believe so

no, your lower bowel is busy sucking everything your body can use out of that poo

(Sorry, I realise this is a crazy thing to talk about, but I am genuinely curious as well as amused. /naturally scatalogically curious person.)

including the water

pfffft it wouldn't be a weekend without a poo plurk from Cath

it's bizarrely interesting

cornichaun \o/ That's good news at least! Is it tricky adapting all of your diet to no gluten?

honestly it's not that bad, as long as I'm doing the cooking

just buy gluten-free bread and cookies, and don't cook recipes that need flour

ALSO LIZ THIS IS THE SCARIEST FACT I HAVE EVER HEARD, but I am going to tell my manager tomorrow :>

I eat a lot of rice and veggies

the first few months are the worst

/also glutenfree

there are a few things you need to be conscious about, like how soy sauce sometimes is basically concentrated gluten poison

^this

and you need to always check candy

BUT TAMARI IS OKAY as long as you can eat soy

Oh man, I would miss soy sauce so much :c

AND MARSHMALLOWS :<

they have gluten in them, right?

tamari is wheat-free and it tastes exactly like other soy sauce

and you need to check squirty dauces

I honestly can't tell the difference, I love soy sauce

and I use it all the time

even now

like brown sauce has malt vinegar in it and made me sick as fuck

Oh, well that's good!

Oh, man, because of the malt?

cheapo stock cibes have gluten in too

I really miss being able to buy random baked goods

and I miss fresh-baked bread from normal flour

I had dreams about it

but Knorr cubes are safe

Aw :'CCC

I dream about pastry

also sucks to be in a class where people bring cookies in all the time

Man, this sounds awful :c

though once one of them brought cookies in and also bought me a gluten free slice of cake

and that was amazing

AWW :>

THE STORY TURNED HAPPY!

Does beer have gluten in it?

yep

/WEIRD QUESTION.

GODDAMN.

you can get gluten-free beer, but it's not normal

so do some wines

That would be the second worst thing after baked bread :c

Whaaaat?

there's a couple of gluten free beers! Like daura. but that's stupid expensive.

Only red ones? Or the others too?

luckily I never liked beer

I'm careful with ciders too

Yeah, I bet scrumpy is a hotbed of gluten :|a

basically I always read the label or google it now

Does Hummous have gluten in it?

(another random booze fact. did you know about 90% of beers have fish in them.)

I don't think it does

it's mostly chick peas and spices

I suppose it depends on recipe

Sorry, at this point I'm just NAMING FOOD I LIKE and trying to figure out how I would survive without bread if I was gluten free

not actual FISH. but fish-derived-products-of-some-kind.

(I think I am not because of my prior comments about my amazing poo!)

voltaireontoast WHY??? For flavor or for alcoholism?

gluten-free bread is fine, but it's, I find, a tiny bit chewy

doesn't taste quite right

but mostly fine. I have sandwiches a lot

a lot of them use finings like wine do.

beer with yeast still in it doesn't have fishy-ness in it, and some of the others don't use them either.

...I was talking to the delivery guy from our local brewery at work once. when I was trying to help my dad work out which beers he could have.

That is so interesting :c

I bet pale ale is gluten central...

but it is so fine :c

it shouldn't, but if it's prepackaged it's always best to check the label

also I can't be having with GF bread myself

it tastes wrong, it goes stale if you look at it funny

and the prepackaged brands often use psyllium husks as a flour sticker together

whichI can't tolerate at ALL without vile assploding

I just stopped eating bread

although i sometimes make my own gf crumpets

I freeze GF bread and don't thaw it until I toast it

that's the only way, I thnk

it doesn't keep at all

right?