She says for me to call her so I can "apologize" for breaking down and calling her a bitch the other day (no, sorry not sorry anymore).

She then spends the entire conversation leveling accusations at me and calling them "facts" and "things [I've] consistently demonstrated."

Okay, so I forgot to call the grad schools or check the sites today. She apparently missed the part where I haven't been feeling well all day. Oh, but that's an EXCUSE, not a valid reason, right?

Then she goes on about how she's "tired of being my conscience," as though this is about her strain for some reason.

Never once does it seem to occur to her that something might be wrong with me that's keeping me from being my best.

I'd try to defend myself but she always gets me when I'm vulnerable due to being too tired to resist or when I'm ready to unload (which she uses against me and never sees for what it is).

She's even more selfish than I am. I don't even know what bizarre aim she's working towards anymore. All I know is that never once does she ever stop to think about how I'm doing or feeling at the moment.

And telling her to try and think about my feelings is pointless. It's all pointless, really. Her dominion and opinions are absolute.

/hugs
I can empathize D:
but I'm not sure how to help ffff

It's okay. I'll find a way to do something eventually. I don't know where I'm going to end up, but somewhere will be better than nowhere.

Ah, right. The reason I "freak out" when I talk to my dad is because, half the time, my mom has my hand up my ass and is effectively forcing me to talk to him about certain things.

Furthermore, she DEFINITELY flipflopped on whether he was allowed to come to dinner with us. I wouldn't have gotten confused if she had never said he wasn't allowed.

She had to have said that she didn't want him there at some point in time.

AHAHAHA renting any apartment would require a job and/or a significantly higher income than I have. It's not going to happen.

Also, I can't drive. That means I can't slip out to go see my possible apartment ever.