a whiny manchild with a soul patch hires a cyborg to shoot people, canonically has no interest in touching dicks with him

AND: a bald jerk with a silly accent puts on an even sillier accent to boss around some poor junkie kid who didn't ask for any of this.

i'm trying to think of a way to make mirrorlamb/spliceralex sound lame but it's not working at all

a guy who fears the dog park makes out with a guy who doesn't know what mars is, except he doesn't because they're currently in different deserts and hanging out with different people.

a sad determined dad meets a driven career mum; they bond over doing what's best for their daughters; after a lovers' tiff about socialism she turns him into mindless diving suit cannon fodder

(that's definitely what happened, pimpfox back me up here)

I can confirm that this is exactly what happened.

may I also add 'two a+ entirely heterosexual end of the kinsey scale men scattered across a few centuries, both of which are as innocent of murder as they are definitely not seeing things that aren't there'?

thank you, you're so helpful with your words! i had been trying to decide on the best way to describe that especially shitty otp

oh my god is the bald jerk one from bioshock

vampirize boom correct five stars

I AM SO GLAD

I'M PLEASED I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD GET THAT ONE

i was like WHAT CANONS IS CAZ INTO oh wait

i am nothing if not startlingly obvious

this kevin tag is getting novel-length send help

you are on your own

is it the one for royce because if it is i'll laugh

it is

there it goes

i am not sorry for these royce tags

"AMERICA IS A PERSON GET IT RIGHT"

and fixed that because royce has never met america in real life lmao

/sends tag

/mutters "me-ow"

if you have been living inside a person then you have other problems. i love playing royce so much

royce is my hero

he is so great and kevin is so great I LOVE THIS CR

YESSSSS...

also did you really describe this thread as THEIR SECOND DATE ON KEVIN'S THREAD TRACKER I'M GOING TO SCREAM

no why would i ever do a thing like that

shade mathematician nerdand smiley eyeless wendigo otp

>boy scouts of America

>badge in goose-stepping

AMERICA NEEds TO HAvE WORDS WITH THIS MAn

america is a place (the greatest country in the world so far!)

heLLA RAD WORDS

does royce have boyfriend competition here

ditch the zero get with the hero

[eagle flying over American flag background]

[muffled sound of 'america fuck yeah' in the distance]

[McDonald's hamburgers rain down from the sky]

this is the most romantic scenario i've ever pictured

be still my heart

except America is gonna feel weird about eating beef real soon

omgggg

it's okay america, you're the hero so by default cow cannibalism becomes heroic

that's just how it works

he can get behind that line of thinking

(i think that sentence was my subconscious crying out to me to make a handsome jack rp blog)

(do it)

(i haven't even finished the presequel yet and i already need an intervention)

royce is just like "why are these men fighting over...me...."

No Royce, you're fighting America over Kevin

Do try to keep up, you're losing points already

WOW RUDE

but eh he doesn't want kevin, america can have him

Way to give up so easy loser

are any of you aliens, robots, or flash drive swords? no? THEN NOT INTERESTED

no but America's best friend is an alien!!

but you are not an alien SO IT'S INVALID

wow fine he'll just go on his freedom burger date with Kevin alone then

you do that, try not to get eaten, you know, the usual

he is the hunter not the hunted

or is he HE REALLY ISN'T SURE ABOUT LIFE ANYMORE

Kevin can console him by telling him how great he is

awwww

"you're so great and you'll be even greater once the total corporate takeover by my parent company is finally complete" - kevin flirting with america, probably

in the background, royce rolls his eyes

seems like royce has a bad case of sour grapes

no it's just that kevin is....so.......enormously lame

there goes royce, being wrong about things again! he's so lucky that kevin likes him despite his being wrong. about. everything

THE MATH DOESN'T LIE, KEVIN

*HOLDS UP CALCULATOR, IT SAYS "YOU'RE LAME"*

America needs to watch these two go at it

more interesting than England and France