knows a joke about a toffee apple that would be completely inappropriate

to hear it

OK... it is a long one... a guy orders a pirate costume for Halloween. He is happy with it but decides that he also needs an eye patch.

He orders the eye patch, and it comes with a thank you note. . "Dear sir, please find enclosed one deluxe model pirate eye patch.."

He then decides he needs a parrot for his shoulder. He orders, it arrives with a similar note... "Dear sir" etc.

He then decides that he needs a wooden leg. It arrives, with a note. "Dear sir, please find enclosed one pirate peg leg and a jar of treacle

....if you aren't satisfied, we suggest shoving the wooden leg up your bum, pouring the treacle over your head, and go as a toffee apple! "

Better told in person, with reference to long - winded letters back and forth