i took half a xanax and it isn't helping

i can't stop feeling like i'm going to be doomed to die the same kind of death as my dad right now

as in literally right now.

which is dumb.

i know it's illogical

but i can't stop this fear

and i just want someone to hold me and pet my hair and tell me things will be okay

but mom's sick and asleep so she can't do it and there's no one else here and i just want my old life back from before july

I'm sorry I'm working otherwise I'd come over