oOoh MY GOD MY brother is driving me fUCKING INSANE

background: my brother and his girlfriend became suddenly homeless a few weeks ago and I took them in and they're living in my livingroom right now

which I'm happy to do, do the right thing, etc but

jESUS FUCKING CHRIST he's like this hyperactive needy angsty puppy that wants my attention every second of every fucking day he's been living here for weeks now and I've had a conversation with him like twice

about how I'm a solitary person / used to living alone / introverted / like my space and he just DOESNT GET IT??? he just can't fathom it he's just

not understanding and he's been on my dick all day since it's my day off likELET'S WATCH A MOVIE LET'S GO OUT TO EAT CAN WE DO SOMETHING I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN WITH YOU YOU'RE MY SISTER CAN WE HANG OUT

and I'm just like

wE FUCKING LIVE TOGETHER WE HAVEN'T STOPPED HANGING OUT SINCE YOU GOT HERE BECAUSE YOU'RE LTIERALLY 5 FEET AWAY AT ANY GIVEN TIME I WAKE UP AND GO TO SLEEP AND YOU'RE THE FIRST AND LAST PERSON I SEE

can I just fucking chill out on my day off please jesus christ

every night we have long deep conversations about how fucked up his life is and how depressed he was and how he's been wronged and how he's fucked up mentally which I understand he needs someone to talk to but

jesus christ it's so tiring

and his mouth runs 40 miles an hour and he tells story after story and he's just so hyperactive and he'll walk in my room desperate for attention trying to talk to me or do something and I can't get any

fucking peace

or concentration

and he gets so hurt when I like shut the door or make it clear I want to be left the fuck alone and he doesn't have a job since he's going into the navy so he's here ALL THE TIME

he has no friends around here and no one but me and his girlfriend and my cousin that he hangs out with sometimes so it's just constant all the time up in my grill

like the total opposite of me when it comes to getting his happiness out of interacting with people 24/7 and I'm just n o t

just shut the fuck up and leave me alone please oh my god I can't take this all day every day no room no personal space can't be alone in my own apartment fuck

and he'll do shit that drives me crazy like him and his girl will buy weed from a dude she works with which is fine and he'll ask me to smoke with him

which I'm down for but like lately he's been all YOU SHOULD THROW IN MONEY FOR IT! and I'm like man that's okay I'd rather just not smoke your weed because I don't have extra money to spend on shit like that

right now and he's like NO NO NO YOU HAVE TO SMOKE WITH US DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT I WANT YOU TO

and if I try to say no when he offers he badgers me like nO PLEASE SERIOUSLY I WANT TO SMOKE W YOU, SMOKE W ME, FOR REAL, COME ON, EM, EM, EM like 500 times until I do and then he'll turn right around the next

day and be like OR YOU COULD THROW IN MONEY TOWARD THIS, I'D RATHER BE SMOKING YOUR WEED guilting me about it and I'm just like I FUCKING TOLD YOU I'D RATHER NOT EVEN SMOKE IT

YOU LITERALLY STRONG ARM ME INTO IT

i'd rather not even smoke it than smoke it and have to pay for it like seriously if it's a drain on you I JUST WON'T I'M FINE WITH THAT

i'M NOT THAT MUCH OF A STONER SO IT'S NO SWEAT just make up your mind stop badgering me both ways about it fuck just leave me alone about it

or he'll ask me about my life / my sexual history and get all righteous judgemental about it like HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH? HOW CAN YOU SLEEP WITH PEOPLE WITHOUT AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION I NEVER COULD

he'll act like I'm a goddamn child and go behind me to make sure candles are blown out in my room before bed like I FUCKING CAN HANDLE MYSELF THIS IS MY APARTMENT I'M A FUCKING ADULT SHUT THE FUCK UP

being all SO YOU'RE HAPPY TO JUST WORK ANY BULLSHIT JOB PLANNING TO BE A 'WRITER' ONE DAY BARELY SCRAPING BY ??? and I'm like first of all

I'm not working 'just any bullshit job' I'm an assistant supervisor at the SAME JOB I've had for 3 years now and second of all you're fucking jobless and homeless so how are you honestly criticizing me rn???

he'll repeat the same 4 stories about how he was screwed over like over and over and over again the same details 500 times and if I'm like I KNOW I KNOW YOU TOLD ME JESUS I KNOW he'll be like WELL I'M JUST

TRYING TOT ELL YOU WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME TELL YOU THIS STORY

you already fucking have oh my christ waht the actual fuck am I supposed to do with this man like he fucking gets super angsty and depressed and tells me about how he was suicidal 5 years ago and I just

he can't afford a therapist / has no health insurance / has no friends and can't get out to make friends since his gf takes her car to work and he doesn't have transportation anywhere so it's just

out of the question for him to make friends outside of me

and I am not equipped to deal with this fucking shit basically

all the time

no personal space, I'm not a therapist, I have no patience for his judgement or his guilt tripping or his need for attention or self actualization or his constant need to be reassured of my affection and

this is why I can never fucking have children or puppies, I understand now

this is also probaby why my last 2 relationships failed, because I am just a stone wall of emotionlessness and unsympathetic apathy and I am like physically incapable of providing the emotional support

most people apparently need in order for me to be their core go-to person

because my give a fuck is so limited, and I've learned to get by in life through self-reliance and keeping my problems to myself and keeping my emotions in check and being self contained

and I just ???? when other people are the opposite of that

like I'll try up to a certain point, I'll take him in when he's homeless and I'll listen to him talk a few nights a week and I'll be calm and understanding and empathize with him but it's like I have this

max capacity for emotions and when I reach that limit

my robotic emotion-drive or whatever just shuts down until system reboot refule or something

I'm a fucking robot, to summarize this plurk tbh

apparently every fucking night and most fucking day for fucking weeks on end exceeds that capacity who knew

and I just. I had to vent it all out because obviously I can't just say most of this shit to him, he's so fragile, I can't say it to his gf, I can't say it to my friends because I feel like I'm burdening them

with my problems which would be hypocritical as fuck considering the content of my rant

don't ask me how it's any different ranting on social media because I honestly couldn't tell you lmao stupid I know I just. fuck.

uuugh

I just want him to be happy and get his life back on track and join the navy and I want my quiet apartment and my space and my solitarity again

but I feel a little better about it so I guess it works

thankfully

jesus

it could be something in that it's easier for people to just kind of... ignore rantposts on social media if they want? I mean, not everyone will, but it's like there's that space there? if that makes sense

like, in rl spaces it's a lot harder to not pay attention, kind of?

yeah, like anyone who doesn't want to be forced into listening to my problems can mute them and pass it by a lot easier with minimal effort which is comforting

yeah

plurk is my go-to when I need to bitch but don't want to burden anyone with texts

and I hear you on not always wanting to vent at people - hell, I hardly even do ventplurks

because there's 0 social obligation to get involved in bitching plurks

because honestly idgaf if people respond or not, I just need to blow off steam so I don't hurl the computer across the room >_>

^ yeah that

yeah man exactly, makes sense

and it's more effective than just. writing it down because at least this way you know it exists in the universe as an observable wave of conciousness I guess lmao

Having been in the Navy, he's not going to make it to boot camp with that smoking.

It's 30 days minimum to get that shit out of his system, so he'll need a flush before he goes to MEPS if it's soon.

yeah, he keeps saying 'today's my last day i need to quit before basic' but he still has like 15 pounds he has to lose before the recruiter will take him, which he's steadily working on

but he knows he needs to quit smoking both weed and cigarettes, he just hasn't yet.

because he's still got time before he's at the right weight for it

but he'd be better off quitting sooner rather than later imo he just. hasn't.

You can always get me if you need someone to listen. <3

I hope things work out soon!

I think everyone has a point where someone needs too much from them and it's especially easy to hit that when they're in your living space.

Like my roommate and I are really good friends of several years and work really well as roommates and have for years and we still want to kill each other sometimes. That's not something that should come with

a ton of guilt attached. That's just being human.

Yep...