so i've been going on okcupid a bit lately and there's a guy i've exchanged a few messages with and he's nice but i don't know much about him

he's aware markiplier exists and he wants to be a chef

which are pluses but also legit all i know

and i agreed to get coffee with him tomorrow but

i have a lot of homework to do? like legit need to finish a book over the weekend?

and i just...am not excited by this

also there might be a guy at work who is maybe in his own awkward quiet way trying to get to know me but i don't REALLLY know

in any case i just...don't really want to go on a date with this guy?

BUT the point of okcupid was to get practice at this

dating thing

so maybe i should do it even if i don't like him?

ughhhhh

help what do

hm. i mean if you're not excited you're not excited. that said, maybe ask if you can postpone meeting up till next week because of your homework

also: coffee is really great because it is and it isn't a date. it's a low-pressure way to test out how you get along with someone.

i'd say even if you don't want to date him get coffee with him and see if you would click as friends

and just be clear with him at the end of the outing whether you'd rather date him, be friends with him or part ways

yeah that last part is the part that sounds hard ;;;

but it's the important part in dating people!

i understand, believe me, i dislike letting people down myself

i've almost gotten to a point where i'm convinced that anyone who is interested in me must be awful somehow, so i'm afraid of what might happen if i back out...

if it turns out that he's on the creepy side and you don't quite feel secure saying no to him, you can also just beg off and then send him a message saying something like "on second thought let's not"

yeah. i did postpone until next week, ultimately, but i'm still nervous about doing this stuff at all. i think possibly i'm just still not in a good enough place for this? like...

i just don't feel quite like i'm "good enough" for someone to actually want to date, at least not based off of very limited interactions.

just remember: it's not a date, it's a pre-date

hhhhh

i'll see if i can work it out next weekend

the problem with that line of thinking is that if you use it to shut yourself away eventually it becomes a self-fulfilling spiral

and just in general pretty much sucks

yeah, i know. it's just that i don't know if exposing myself to this stuff when i'm not feeling very good about myself might not help as much as it sounds like it might in theory

not to mention the fact that i can meet people in other ways

i just need to, y'know, do those other things

there IS a party in DC that i kind of want to go to but god is getting into the city a paaaaain

do you think you're going to feel better about yourself/your romantic prospects in the future?

if you continue this way, you mean? that's not an accusation, it's a genuine question

if the answer's yes, then go ahead and cancel

if it's no, then you may as well

i don't know. i'm so stressed right now with school and work and moving that it's hard for me to gauge how i feel. and i kind of really think i'd be a good match with the guy at work tbh

i just have no idea if i'm reading him right fff

heh, well if he's awkward and quiet you'll probably have to be the one to ask him out

but i'd say ask if you can get coffee with him, too

explore your options!

yeah. i'll just see if i can talk to him some more. and yeah, coffee :|a

remember: coffee is great. it's not a date it's a test.

it's like playing the alpha build of a game or something.

i do like that idea a lot

loool

you're just getting an idea of how things could shake out.

(if you have tea shops in your area, they are also applicable to this rule, though maybe slightly less casual than just a coffee)

i wish i could get the cognitive part of my brain to convince the anxious part that doing social stuff wasn't such a big deal fff

i get you ANXIETY SUCKS

oh man idk if we have tea shops. that'd be neat o

er +o+

ty for talking to me btw

try yelp c:

and no problem!

my advice: go out and have a good time if you can swing it time management wise. evem if there's no second date for whatever reason, maybe you make a friend.

ngl i am still learning how to make friends in person so that wouldn't be a bad idea, but it is also equally anxiety provoking sob

the guy responded to me postponing to some unspecified time next week was "k"

wow that sentence didn't work but you get my meaning