Then this morning he told my mom that it was because I told people on Facebook what the doctors really said about my possible life span, and he he said he hated them for even telling me that I could die.

It was totally my fault for thinking he wasn't old enough to know, I just wanted to protect him, he's my baby brother, and I still want to guard him from all of this,

but I think today I realized he's old enough to know what's going on. We talked it out and then he gave me a hand hug.

I don't really know what it was, but apparently all the young'ins do it.

Also, I need to think more about what I post on fb, I for whatever reason, didn't think he'd see it...which is just dumb, of course he would.

He was bawling beside my bed at the hospital when he came to visit too. My heart was just so broken when I think of it. Still is when I think of it.

He always plays the tough guy roll so it's excruciating to see him break down like that

One of the hardest part for me is managing other people's pain associated with my illness. I feel awful for making my kids the ones who's mom has cancer. It is awful. I am so sorry Amy. Honestly.

And here's the thing about life expectancies. They're so inexact. And they can be cruel both to the patient, and the patient's families. My mother was told I don't know how many times during the eight years

that she had cancer that she only had "X" amount of time left. And she kept going, and defied that so many times.

So take it day by day like you're doing. Things can change, and estimates are just that.

I told him exactly that. Absolutely no one knows when I'll die. I don't. The doctors don't. I'm just taking it one living day at a time and trying to be as positive as possible.

And he said that's all he wanted to hear.

I love you hun. I wish I could give you a big old hug. stay positive. we're all here for you when you're feeling anything less.

ScarletCSkylaC:

So sorry to hear this.. and I admire you so much for still keeping your head up!

You are awesome, and your honesty with your brother is a good thing even if it sucks to watch him grapple with his feelings around it. I wanna punch a bag too.

I'm so sorry, Amy. I can't imagine what it feels like right now, to want to protect others from the pain of it all whilst still processing it yourself.

That's so heartbreaking. Clearly showed how much he really loves you, Amy. And that hand hug is adorable.

Doctors can be really stupid sometimes. That's not just case notes that's a real person!

He loves you, it's hard, but you're Amy and you're awesome. I am celebrating every single day I have with you. I'll think of the other thing, when it happens. For now, you're here

oh sweetheart,

My brother, who's a very smart young man, says that doctors can't possibly know. I really hope you get to come to England visit ArianaSz and Saffpots, as planned.

If When you do, I might take a trip to come meet you

Them trying to put a number to your life means nothing, we all have a limited time on this earth. I could walk out to get the mail and thats it, you just never know. Just enjoy the life you have been given

each and every day when you wake up and you will be ok. I think you still have stuff to do my friend, you will be here a bit longer

Hang in there and take a day at a time.

awww hugs Just hang in there. You can fight this!