"Kiryu Kazuma saves a Shiba Inu from getting rocks thrown at it, beans a dude with his own rock, and then hospitalizes him and like 8 other dudes he calls for back up to beat him up."

"By beating them with a bicycle and a motorcycle"

...

you know if I actually owned a console that has yakuza on it I would play it

just so I know wtf is this series

THIS IS FROM THE REMAKE OF THE FIRST GAME THAT'S GONNA BE OUT IN LIKE

SIX MONTHS? EIGHT? I CAN'T REMEMBER

OKAY BUT WILL IT BE OUT ON THE PC???

probably not but

it will be on PS4 im pretty sure?

because I don't own anything sony sob

yeaaaah

actually it might be

they said Sega was considering putting 0 on Pc, at least

(You can emulate the two PS2 games fairly easily these days.. 1 hasn't aged well, hence this remake, but 2 is still really good)

well at least Ican play one of them

Mon

this came out today

in japan

It's 6 that comes out in 8 months

Ryu Ga Gotoku Zero Karaoke: JUDGEMENT anyway look at what a nerd 20 year old kiryu was

also point of order:

kiryu is like oonly one of two characters in the entire series that can just

pick up motorcycles and deck people with them

and the other one needs a specific instruction to learn how to do it

but he is also the Strongest Man On Earth

The greatest fucking franchise.

Also you left out that the strongest man on earth can't take cellphone pictures and must instead carve wooden sculptures to get his point across.

look, the more I hear about this series the more insane it sounds

in a good way, I mean

and I jus treally want to play it

forestofsleep okay, listen

this is something that happens in Yakuza 5

500 guys are about to totally crush this tiny town gang

and says even if the tiny gang somehow wins, it'll be war and they'll just come back with even more people

so Kiryu comes out and says 'I'm indepedant, so if I just murder all 500 of you with my bare hands it'll be fine, right?"

and then he does

...

you forgot the part where... god

I

and they bring out rocket launchers and he's doing like touhou bullet grazes to missiles and shit

Kiryu

WHO WAS IT THAT JUST PUNCHED OUT LIKE A FUCKING TIGER

Kiryu

Kiryu punched a tiger

IT KIRYU, GOD

a guy kidnapped his adopted daughter

then let two 800 pound siberian tigers on him

and he kills them both with his bare hands

after having been stabbed like 5 minutes prior

I

THE BEST PART IS

Yeah okay I just really want to play this series because it sounds so fucking ridiculous

Ryu ga Gotoku 5 Boss Fights - 7: Huge Bear also this happens with another character

THIS ISN'T PLAYED STRAIGHT, NOT LIKE "THIS IS A NORMAL THING THAT HAPPENS"

EVERYONE INVOLVED GOES

"WHAT THE FUCK"

I literally can't not want to give it a shot

"YOU PUNCHED OUT TWO SIBERIAN TIGERS"

"ARE YOU EVEN REAL*

well there's only one guy

but yeah he wets himself and runs

also every year Kiryu beats up the world's greatest assassin

it's just a thing he does

classyupins: speaking of that bear video, I just feel like saying

and the world's greatest assassin is super mad over it

Yeah. I mean hell, even the first game, probably the most low key game in the franchise, has the following three things happen in approximately this order.

this is exactly the sort of shit Kaja does, when she's an adult.

HAHAHA

proving that every lady Obsidian knows in his life is actually fucking terrifying

LOOK

SHE STILL DOES THIS SHIT EVEN WHEN SHE'S AN OLD LADY WITH LUNG CANCER

1. Kiryu crushes the local Chinese triad, a professional hitman, random gangers, and stumbles into an underground hobo-run fighting ring and information network in his attempts to find his now evil bro.

2. The scariest fucking yakuza alive and the most hardboiled cop the PS2 could render both repeatedly throw eachother under the bus to avoid explaining to an 8 year old girl what a soapland is.

my god

3. Kiryu infiltrates said soapland, winds up fighting more gangsters, and then one of his associates gets bored and drives a stolen shipping truck through a wall and brings more dudes.

Not to help. Just because Majima Goro just kind of does things randomly, like an easily exictable dog, except he's a one-eyed knife-wielding psychopath.

.....................

in Yakuza 3 Kiryu is asked by the Minister of Defense to destroy the Black Org from Detective Conan

please don't make me curse my lack of a ps4 okay

majima is good, his life fell apart and he became a psychopath then his friends came back and he slowly got more sane so now he's only a little insane

well, 3 4 and 5 are on PS3

here's a few things that happen in Yakuza 5 -

or ps 3, because I don't have that either

aforementioned bear fight and kiryu fighting 500 guys

a segment where you play as Kiryu's adoptive daughter who is an idol, and you have idol contests and dance battles

a part at the end where Kiryu climbs a skyscraper and at the top Kiryu, Saejima (who fought the bear) and two other antagonists say 'the only way to bait out the true mastermind is"

"if we have a bunch of boss fights on this roof, right now"

then everyone throws their shirt off

every yakuza game ends with a shirtless fight on a skyscraper

Also the skyscraper usually explodes.

.............................................................

Seriously Millennium Tower's insurance premiums are probably responsible for the entire weakening of the Japanese economy at this point.

I think it actually only explodes in 1

AT THE CLIMAX ANYWAY

in explodes in Yakua 2 but earlier in the game

in Yakuza 3 it gets shot up by a helicopter I think?

in Yakuza 4 nothing happens to it structurally

in Yakuza 5 there's a hostage situation in it

Yeah 3 it gets helicopter machine gun strafed and missiled I think?

also the games steadily get more anime, with absolutely no fucks given by the developers

like, everyone has always had a little bit of superpowers, and crackled with spirit energy when you fill the HEAT gauge

okay yeah you know what, I'll probably emulate 2 since at least I can get my hands on that.

but in Yakuza 5 Kiryu can go super saiyan, Saejima can do energy shockwaves through the ground, other characters can do similar stuff

That was actually a visual touch I really fucking adored about 5.

the secret boss JUST SUMMONS SWORDS USING TELEKINESIS

well they're umbrellas

BUT HE TELEKINETICALLY SUMMONS UMBRELLAS TO SHOOT AT YOU

The dude who basically wanted to be Kiryu has his old-style Heat aura.

oh, neat

Since they changed they way they did the design for them after like 3.

but he's still rocking the kind of glowcloud.

Amon in 5 also uses Kiryu's exact moveset and can even do your heat actions to you

when you're on the ground or getting up