so i started off the morning running a tape with an 80th birthday party that featured a bunch of old people feeling up a blow-up doll

it was given as a gag gift to the birthday grandpa (AND I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT NO ONE AT THIS PARTY IS UNDER THE AGE OF 75 so there aren't like little kids running around or something)

and it's already blown up and the thing has this GIANT VAGINA at like, THE NAVEL AREA

and he has the damn thing sitting straddling his thigh for a solid fifteen minutes while he opens other gifts

and other birthday goers are coming up and grabbing the thing's boobs as this goes on

i finally had to put a bag over the TV screen i couldn't focus, it was so awful

AND NOW OUR CREDIT CARD MACHINE IS BROKEN

i spent half an hour on the phone with tech support walking through all their options, and they were like "huh that's weird, this should work, okay bye"

so now i'm waiting to hear back from the tech guy who like, installed our system but i had to leave a message

apparently in the past people have brought in stuff that they didn't realize has like

sex tapes

and we can't do those, nope

ALSO YUP SURE DO LOVE EXPLAINING COPYRIGHT LAW TO OLD PEOPLE

a lady came in with a program she purchased from a TV station and i told her we can't do it, it's copyrighted

and she's like "well, i bought it, so it's mine"

and i just

yes that's right, i now own the rights to marvel's the avengers too, since i bought that

I DIDN'T SAY THAT BUT

she got so buttmad, she couldn't understand why it was illegal for us to make profit off of something that someone else had the rights over

AND THEN SHE INSISTED WE JUST DO IT FOR FREE?

i didn't even try and joke, i was just like no

well, blow up doll grandma came and picked up her VHS tape

she is the sweetest most unassuming little grandmother-type lady

and i'm just sitting there looking at her thinking

"i had to watch your deceased husband open his birthday presents with an anatomically correct blow-up doll sitting on his leg"

i