it be storyteller's choice this week?

OK, I will choose something.

So, this is the story of how Triton helped the Argonauts. Or, Look, Men Actually Getting Directions.

So, our friend Jason was trying to sail around the Peloponnesus, but, whoops, he got blown severely off course, and wound up way south near Libya.

There was a lake nearby, and for WHATEVER REASON, the Argonauts sailed right into it.

This was Lake Tritonis. And I bet you can't guess who lived there.

Yeah, Triton. However did you know?

Anyway, the Argonauts wandered around for several days, and finally Triton went up and was all, "OK, who are you guys, and why are you in my lake?"

Now, it wasn't obviously Triton, because he appeared to them as a young mortal man, so they figured maybe he was just some local kid or whatever.

This was right about the time that they were setting up a tripod that Apollo had given to Jason, so they explained, "Oh, hey, we've been lost for like, 12 days, and can't find our way out of this lake?"

"So, we're setting up this tripod as an offering to whatever gods are around here and hoping one will, you know. Help us get out."

all I can picture is Jason setting up a tripod with no camera like "hey this is a nice tripod c8"

ClaireKI77y Well, that would be a Jason thing to do.

stopping random people all "check out this wicked tripod. yeah there's no camera, but look how great it is!"

And Triton was all, "LMAO, ARE YOU EVER LOST. Look, OK, I'll help you." So, he picked up a clod of earth next to his foot and gave it to Euphemus as a host-gift.

And then he was all, "OK, but first, before I show you the way out, let's move this awesome tripod. There's a temple of Triton nearby and that will totally be a good place to put it."

Damn that's some tripod

So, they were moving the tripod through the water and one of the men said, "Yo, Jason, since our prayers are being answered and we're being helped, you should maybe do a sacrifice of one of our sheep."

So, Jason picked up a sheep, offered thanks to the gods, and chucked the sheep overboard.

aww poor sheep :c

...and right then, Triton, still in the water and carrying the tripod, dropped the human guise and revealed who he really was. And the Argonauts were all, "OH SHIT, YOU'RE TRITON."

"THIS IS BOTH AWESOMELY COOL AND TERRIFYING."

And Triton was all, "LOL YEP, THAT'S ME. So, this tripod, my cousin gave it to you? It's all bright and gold and gaudy, totally his style. That's cool. HERE, LEMME PROPHESY WITH IT."

"That's cool. Now it's mine. Watch me do Apollo's schtick"

Triton, NOT KNOWN FOR HIS PROPHETIC ABILITIES, MIND YOU, then did some cool handwavy stuff and declared that if any descendants of the Argo's crew ever moved the tripod from Triton's temple...

...one hundred Greek cities would spring up along the shore of Lake Tritonis.

Which... doesn't sound all that bad, but the people of Libya were all, "OH HELL NO" and after the Argonauts left, would later steal and hide the tripod.

Meanwhile, Triton was giving the Argonauts directions, saying, "OK, here's the way out. There's a narrow strait that will get you back into the open sea.

Keep the shoreline on your right, hug the coast going north until it stops going northward, then it's a straight shot. Yeah, some hard sailing, but otherwise easy peasy. Safe journeys! "

So, they thanked Triton for his help, and sailed out of the lake.

On the way home, Euphemus had quite possibly the weirdest wet dream on the record of anyone ever.

He dreamed he was clutching the earth clod Triton had given him to his chest and was nursing it with milk from his own breast. Which is weird enough to start with, but wait, there's more.

The clod then turned into a pretty maiden, and he totally fucked her right on the spot, but then felt bad for taking her virginity right after breastfeeding her.

But she was all, "Naw, dude, it's cool. I'm Triton and Libya's daughter, and if you give me a home in the sea near Anaphe, I'll reappear one day to welcome your descendants."

And then he woke up all and was all, "Dafuq was that?" And promptly went to go tell Jason about his dream.

And Jason was all, "OMG DUDE, that reminds of this oracle who told me that I was marked for greatness, and when we throw the earth clod into the sea, the gods will make an island out of it."

"Yeah, and then our descendants will live there and we and our kids will totally be bros with Triton, like, forever. It'll be awesome."

And Euphemus was all, "Wow, that's fantastic. Lemme know when we get close to Anaphe so I can do that."

And he totally did, and so that was how the island of Kalliste came to be.

When they got back to the Peloponnesus, they docked at Taenarum, and there was an oracle there who said that Euphemus would take a foreign wife and thus found a chosen race.

And they would all go to the island he made with Triton's earth-clod and eventually a lord of that island would be born among them, and that guy would go to an oracle himself.

And then he would be prophesied to bring a lot of ships to the land of the Nile in a place where Zeus had power.

And Euphemus was all, "That is fucking sweet. I am so happy we got lost and met Triton."

And that is the story of how Triton helped the Argonauts, the end.

"I'm so happy I banged that clump of dirt!"

Greek TFLN

SERIOUSLY, you guys, this is why I love mythology. It's got stuff in it too damn weird to just make up.