Something west-central Asian/very eastern European?

How does Sumerian work, in that case? I've got a Gilgamesh story!

hoping for more Khazak or something, but that works

OK, well, for today, I've got Gilgamesh and the Bull of Heaven.

No, not this Bull. Different one.

Anywho, so Gilgamesh and his buddy Enkidu were just getting back from having killed the giant Humbaba. It was a big fight, and afterward, Gilgamesh gets all cleaned up.

Takes a nice bath, washes off his weapons and armor, puts on nice clothes, does his hair, all that good stuff. And the goddess Ishtar, who's watching this (with nothing better to do) is "oh no he's hot"

So, she's overcome with desire and shows up, asking him to be her lover, to give her a baby, and if he does, she'll reward him with riches beyond his wildest dreams.

Gilgamesh, though, is dubious, because he's heard about how Ishtar treats her mortal lovers. It's not pretty.

Basically, the situation here is this: Taylor Swift - Blank Space

Gilgamesh, not being a complete idiot, turns her down. Which enrages Ishtar, and she immediately runs to her parents and demands to have the Bull of Heaven let loose to gore Gilgamesh.

Her dad, Anu, Father of the Year, says no, going, "Well, he has a point..." Which only makes Ishtar even angrier.

She threatens to unleash all the souls from the underworld on the earth, but still her dad's like, "I dunno, honey, that bull will cause 7 years of famine on earth..."

Ishtar assures him that she's got a contingency plan to take care of the people and flocks of the city of Uruk, no worries, so finally Anu lets her unleash the bull.

So, the bull comes down from the sky onto the city of Uruk. He bellows once, and a crack opens in the ground and 100 people fall in (and presumably die). He bellows again. Boom, another 100 people.

When the bull bellows a third time, Enkidu attacks it. The bull promptly spits and poops on him, but Enkidi grabs him by the horns and starts wrestling the bull, calling to Gilgamesh to help him out.

Gilgamesh comes over and they start fighting and wrestling with the very angry bull. Eventually, Enkidu is able to grab it by its filthy tail, holding it still.

Gilgamesh then stabs it through the shoulders, killing it.

Then, they cut out the bull's heart and offer it in sacrifice to the sun god.

Well, now Ishtar is really mad and curses out Gilgamesh and Enkidu. Enkidu responds by hacking off one of the bull's haunches and throwing it at her, and saying he'll do the same to her if she comes near.

Ishtar finally gives up, and she and her temple prostitute followers gather to mourn the bull. Meanwhile, Gilgamesh gets a bunch of craftsmen together examining the bull.

Gilgamesh shows them how the bull's horns are heavily covered with lapis lazuli and they sort of reverse-engineer how this was done.

Then Gilgamesh cuts off the bull's horns, fills them with oil and offers that as sacrifice to his dad, Lugulbanda. The horns are then hung on his wall as a trophy.

Afterward, Gilgamesh and Enkidu get cleaned up (because they really need it) and are hailed as heroes of Uruk, yay!

The end (for now)